Duty or Love
by Ruj
Summary: Teyla and John orientated story, set post Long Goodbye. With plenty of emsemble moments. A decision needs to be made: Duty or Love... Fate is waiting. One will break a heart forever, the other destroy the galaxy. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Artemis grieves, Apollo watches

**Hi this is a repost! I realised whilst re-reading the first chapter that I wrote Col. Everett instead of Caldwell (doh!) so I've corrected it! Also I had valid comments on my paragraph length, so I've rectified that as well, This is what happens without a beta! So if anybody out there would like to beta for me on any of my stories as I have NO betas, then let me know, I'd be grateful. I have written half of the next chapter and hope to have it out soon, sorry RL's been a wreck!**

**Hope the revised edition is easier to read- Inara**

Spoilers: everything up to and including The Long Goodbye S2 episode 16

Disclaimers: I do not own any rights to anything, Atlantis is the brainchild of Brad Wright and Robert Cooper, If anybody is a fan of BSG 2003 the show then they will recognise for lack of a better term a similar flavour from BSG, it was not intentional but I noticed it as I read through, I have decided to keep it as I liked the idea of using some of BSG's ethos in relation to Teyla and John, I don't want to be accused of plagiarism, credit goes to however created it (Larson). It is no way a crossover, just a borrowing of some of the underlying themes from BSG to see how they fit into Atlantis, sometimes you can't control how you write, you know? Sorry if it bothers anybody, it was strictly an author's choice, same when referring to religions and beliefs I am strictly writing from what I believe the characters perspective, I no way am I criticising any faiths or choices, nor are they reflective of my own views. Sorry for the soapbox moment, I hope you enjoy, this came after watching Critical Mass and The Long Goodbye, this fic will base heavily on events occurred during those episodes, and Conversion so be SPOILER warned. Also in case anyone was wondering this fic is SHEYLA, you won't be able to avoid it, its also quite angsty.

Distrubution: If you want it let me know!

**Duty or Love**

Charin's words were still ringing in her ears, 'Your people look to you Teyla, and they will need your strength." She felt alone, stranded and adrift, she felt old beyond her years, she was tired and part of her wished she could have been in Charin's place, 'A journey begins' indeed, but was she strong enough? She had lost her last confidant her family; truth was she could barely remember her mother, just glimpses and memories, a strong, graceful warrior, a leader. Her father raised her with the help of the village, especially Charin, Tagan Emmagen was a leader to his people first and foremost, they were close but Teyla grew knowing the true burden of leadership, her father had practically trained her from birth to lead her people, and she had learnt, whilst most children played, Teyla learnt the history of her people, her father took her with him on trading missions so she could see first hand the intricate and politics in trade and diplomacy. While the children her age danced and sung Teyla learned to fight, to defend and to lead and Teyla Emmagen excelled.

As she stood watching the tides from one of the many balconies, she meditated on the sunset, she had sung about this very event during the ring ceremony for Charin just two weeks ago, 'Beyond the night, a new day dawns" the message was clear, but she could not see it, each new day recently had just brought a new challenge. Yesterday she had nearly killed Colonel Sheppard, if it hadn't have been for the last minute order's from Colonel Caldwell she would have killed her closest ally and friend on Atlantis, and it would have been the right course of action, her training and position demanded that she put her people's needs before her own, her people now included those of Atlantis, no matter how much she mourned in private she would have murdered her best friend to save many, it would killed the last part of self she had, but she would have done it, and that knowledge hurt.

'_He cares for you-, more than you know'_

Eight words, eight words had nearly broken her resolve, her solemn pledge to her people, and her final promise to her father, and that terrified her. The problem she faced was that she could not change anything, the fate of her people were in her hands and their best chance was with the people of Earth in the city of the ancestors, so she could not leave John's team, but if she stayed would that be worse. Neither of them could afford serious attachments, they're positions did not allow for them to become distracted and yet they both could not have anything less than all. That was why neither of them had acted on the unspoken feelings that had been present from their first meeting. It was all or nothing for them yet they could not afford either and so they had been stuck in this limbo, more then friends, less than lovers. A marriage of emotions and none of the physical attributes. Until he lost control, until the retrovirus caused him to lose his inhibitions and stopped holding their pattern of denial and he kissed her.

The kiss was fuelled by aggression, frustration, lust and need. But not love, she knew that. That kiss had been building for months it was pure impulse and emotion. She knew that had they chosen to kiss, to take that next step then it would have involved nothing but love. As it was his impulsive kiss had allowed them to maintain the appearance of restraint and deniability that allowed them to work together, but it had also given them a taste of the forbidden fruit, she could taste him now, as he could her. It was something that she could never forget sensations she could never lose or feel again and so they were in their holding pattern again, yet this time it was infinitely worse, now they knew what they were missing. Part of her was furious at John for changing things, making it so much harder, but part of her was grateful, at least now she knew, if she died tomorrow, she would died with the taste of him on her lips and in her soul, yes for that she would be forever grateful to Colonel John Sheppard, even if it made the rest of her days with Colonel Sheppard uncomfortable and painful, she at least had a moment in time, the only true unrestrained moment since they connected in that cave in Athos.

She still dreamed about that moment, when she truly felt something beyond herself, her mind, body, heart and soul recognised John Sheppard, she knew then she always would, in that moment she felt as if she had gained a lifetimes knowledge, unfortunately in this time, this cycle they were unable to join. They're roles forbid it. She envied John for his rational beliefs, he did not meditate on what had happened before or will happen tomorrow, his focus was on surviving the present, he had felt the connection-how could he not? But his rational mind would have buried the moment, decreased its significance, convinced itself it was moment of physical appreciation, he would have rationalised the kiss by now as well, the drug reducing his inhibitions allowing for a moment of lust. He had witnessed ascension, yet did not understand it, that 'energy is eternal delight' (Blake, William) he still did not comprehend that they were all playing parts, that there was a grand design and that some people could not avoid their destiny. Unfortunately they both had parts to play, both completed parts of each other yet never truly together. It seemed as she was one to carry the burden of that knowledge, this time. She hoped that understanding would not come too late for him; it was in his nature to fight she was afraid that he would fight for her, ask her to make a choice that she could not make, duty or love?

She knew he was watching her, she felt him in her bones, her body called out for him, she ruthlessly squashed the feelings down, her outward demeanour had not changed, she absently wondered what he was waiting for? Then he had moved, before she could react he was behind her close but not touching. Too close, and not near enough, status quo, she just had to lean back a fraction, or he could lean forward, neither of them moved, they knew the score, she was tired of it, yet she could do nothing but carry on, what else was there?

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

"You did what you had to do, I understand that" he said abruptly '_even though it hurts, and I would have done the same_' was unspoken.

She knew what he was referring to; she understood his unspoken comment too, so she stayed silent 'what was there to say, duty demanded that she shoot him if necessary, she was nothing if not dutiful.'

"I have never felt that helpless before, not on Earth, not when I witnessed the wraith feed, not in any hundred situations we have been in. I had to watch as Ronon was shot, my people hurt, my friend being used the same why I was, I had no control, even though I knew it was temporary, I was so afraid of the damage that would happen in the meantime."

"It is a natural reaction, I am sure Dr Weir will agree, perhaps you should make an appointment with Dr Heightmeyer"

"He was wrong, you know?" he sidestepped the suggestion to see the city shrink "I knew you would do it" he carried on. "It's one of the things I admire most about you, you would always do what's best for everybody, regardless of how you personally feel, duty before all else."

She did not know what to say to that, she kept watching the ocean, praying for strength, it was so tempting to lean on him for support, and he would freely give it, so instead she stiffened.

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

He had just been released from the infirmary when he had seen her standing on the balcony, it wasn't in a popular section of the city, he didn't know what had possessed him to detour on his way back to quarters, and he knew now; it was Teyla, always Teyla. Nobody else had the power over him that she did, she rarely used it if ever but it was there. She looked like a goddess standing over the ocean, but something in her posture was calling out to him, she looked tired, there was no outward appearance but rather as though he could see in to her soul, or her aura. So he just stood watching over her, he had memory flash then just for a moment, he felt as if he had done this before, a sense of déjà vu so strong his body resonated with it, as if he had spent lifetimes before watching over this woman, and would continue for lifetimes ahead. It was fleeting and the after effect so profound that he could not begin to explore it, so he put it to the back of mind to worry about later. Instead he moved to stand behind, close but not close enough, he felt her pull and it took everything he had not to move the fraction he needed to, to complete contact, status quo he thought.

'_I'm sorry John'_

Her heartfelt words along with an image of her standing over him with a gun, her saw her then as angel of death, part of him was relieved if anyone should send him to rest it should be Teyla. Then he saw her eyes, full of pain, despair, anger and fury at what she had to do, her eyes burned him, he saw what this cost her, if he died at her hand, Teyla, his Teyla would not survive it. She would die too, leaving a dutiful leader of her people. In that moment of clarity he prayed, to anything and everything, to not make him watch her death in her eyes as he died. When she had later saved him again, by quick thinking he been so proud, she had admitted to knowing him, and she did better than anyone.

'_I knew you would be the only one who could get to him'_

Phoebus had been right; Teyla was the only person who could get to him. He could still taste her, in his very marrow; he honestly believed that one forbidden kiss had embedded her so deep in his soul that it was impossible to separate her from him. He had never loved and despised an action in his entire life as much as he did that kiss. Loved it because retrovirus or not he could not hold back any longer, he was only human and that kiss had been the result of months of frustration, restraint and repression. In that one moment he was free, of everything, he was not the military leader of Atlantis, a burden he had neither desired nor been ready for, he simply John, and John wanted Teyla, always had and always would. He had despised it because he had tasted her, she was in his blood, and he stopped holding back, dropped all of his barriers and controls and just acted. For the first time in a long time John had been truly and utterly selfish, he had taken from Teyla, the most selfless person he knew. He had never hated himself as much as he had in the seconds after that kiss, he was terrified that he had lost Teyla, he had gained her taste and in the process lost his truest friend, but she had forgiven him, she always did.

But she never forgave herself…so he decided to tell her, that he understood, that he always would, but she still didn't speak, or acknowledge him in any way, he began to get worried, he could not see her face, or eyes, the ones that always told him what he needed to know. So spoke about how he had felt, his fears, anything to get a response out of her. It figures that when she did it was to offer him reassurance and advice, nothing for herself. He noticed her stiffen at the word duty, he knew how she felt, he did not realise the true meaning of the word until he arrived in the Pegasus galaxy, that a single word could mean so much and carry such a burden.

"I know, I hate that word too" he said with a sigh

She had unconsciously leaned toward his sigh, still not touching but as close as possible, it was part of their unspoken agreement since the kiss, they did not touch outside of work or sparring, she hadn't realised how much she had relied on those little touches until she had to give them up. She hated how dependent she had become on John Sheppard, hated how this man made her feel, and simultaneously rejoicing in the fact that he made her feel.

"We are both bound by it" she said, this was dangerously close to the topic that they never voiced in order to stay sane, but avoidance hadn't made their situation any easier.

"That we are" he agreed "I wish-"

"I know" she stopped him before he could say it out loud. Until their people were safe, nothing could happen, but the likelihood of them both still being alive was less than slim, they both knew it. They could only hope they left together, for the thought of surviving alone was more than they could bear.

"The sun has nearly set, and the stars will be out soon, they remind me of all the places I have not yet discovered, of possibilities unknown" Teyla said.

"I read of a SGC report where they had discovered that parallel universe' exist, that a small thing could alter a reality, McKay could explain it better, but I like to think somewhere out there, there's a reality where I can be-" he broke off suddenly realising what he was about to say and who he was speaking to.

"Can be?" Teyla asked

"Free, happy, to be with who I want to be" he finished off; he knew she would understand she always did.

"Somewhere maybe?" she offered, it was all she could offer him; she couldn't give him here and now.

"So what brought you out here in the first place?" John asked after a while.

"I needed a place to meditate, whilst I was waiting for one of my people to return from a trading mission."

"Who are you waiting for?"

"Tyrol, it was a simple mission, on a universal trading planet, I do not anticipate any problems"

"When was he due back?"

"What time is it now?"

"18.30"

"Then he is an hour overdue"

"Lets go check out the gate room" John suggested.

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

They met up with Ronon and McKay who had been on their way to the mess, but decided to see if there was anything going on, McKay eventually agreed after a lot of grumbling.

As it happened there was activity as they entered the room, apparently Tyrol's sister Anna was also waiting for him and she was in conversation with Elizabeth, who it had seemed had gone straight back to work.

"Teyla, there you are I was just about to radio you, Anna wants me to dial Boros to check on Tyrol, he's over an hour late, what do you think?" Elizabeth asked, but before Teyla could respond the gate lit up, they all looked at the technician who controlled the shield.

"Athosian IDC, it's Tyrol"

"Lower the shield, well it's about time" Elizabeth said in a relieved tone.

They all began their way down the stairs, for a moment nothing happened, they all looked at the gate, and then at the technician who shrugged then their attention went back to the gate as a blur came through. The well trained marines had their guns up as soon as movement from the gate was detected. But nobody had stepped through, instead there was a body that had been thrown through the gate as though garbage, his top had been removed, and he was covered in wounds and knife was sticking where his heart would have been, if someone hadn't cut it out. Anna screams identified him as Tyrol.

Ronon amazingly enough had been the first to react, he had grabbed Anna and held her against him, blocking her view of the body, even though it was too late, as Rodney frantically called for 'medics' over the radio, but it was far too late for that. Elizabeth had paled considerably and looked like she was going to be sick, but she held it together, John stopped the marines from approaching Tyrol preferring Carson to arrive first. As it happened Carson and Colonel Caldwell arrived at the same time, both exclaiming shock at the sight. Teyla stood frozen, her mind had travelled back in time 10 years as the body of another man had been thrown through a gate in front of her, although that man had been dying not dead, and his heart was still beating, long enough to extract some promises from his daughter. The arrival of Carson and Colonel Caldwell snapped Teyla out of her memory. She approached Tyrol, he fallen through gate awkwardly, yet had managed to land on his back so that the dagger was clearly visible. As she got closer she could recognise the hilt of the dagger, she knelt next to the body ignoring everything around her.

The entire room had silenced when Teyla moved, it wasn't deliberate but there was something in her movement that demanded attention, even Anna's sobs had quietened as she too watched Teyla kneel by the body. There were gasps, and noises of disgust as Teyla calmly pulled out the dagger from Tyrol's chest. For a moment she just looked at the blade covered in blood, then she did the unthinkable, there were sounds of retching as Teyla without hesitation put her hand inside the hole on Tyrol's chest cavity.

Teyla calmly removed her father's dagger from Tyrol, but as she removed it she noticed a glint of metal. She looked closer then she put her hand inside the hole in Tyrol and removed something.

"Teyla, dear God, lass what're ye doing?" Carson asked.

Teyla just opened her hand and Carson saw that there was a ring, covered in blood, but a recognisable female ring nonetheless. His thoughts were brought to a dramatic halt as there was a voice being transmitted through the Stargate, which he belatedly realised, was still open although the shield had been raised, so someone had thought to do that at least.

"**Did you get my present?" **asked a cold masculine voice.

Teyla's jaw clenched and her entire body had tightened as she got up and went to the controls.

"**I got your gift Kalen, it seems your delivery hasn't changed in 10 years," **Teyla replied scornfully her voice full of ice.

"**Aah, I knew you were still alive, I thought you would appreciate the packing at least" **Kalen's voice had a sick note of glee. The entire gate room was waiting for Teyla's response; obviously she knew what was going on.

"**You're a sick bastard Kalen, at least that hasn't changed"**

"**Now Teyla, is that anyway to speak to your intended?"**

If Kalen's remark shocked everybody, it was nothing compared to the shock they received at Teyla's reply.

Teyla just laughed

"**My intended…you, Kalen I could never be joined to you, you know why?"**

"**Careful Teyla"**

"**Because you're beneath me, you always were and you always will be nothing will change that" **Teyla told him ruthlessly.

Nobody had ever heard Teyla speak so cruelly, her words were brutal.

"**Your father promised me your hand, you know that, and I will have you willing or not you will be beneath me"**

"**The agreement with my father ended the moment you murdered him Kalen, an act for which you will pay the price in blood, I will have my vengeance"**

"**I thought the dagger was a nice touch, along with your ring."**

"**You will see the dagger again, it will the one to remove your cold heart from your body whilst you watch, and I promise I will be slow enough so you don't miss a moment."**

"**Ah such sweet promises Teyla, lets finish this once and for all, in 3 days where it all began"**

"**Agreed, enjoy the next 3 days Kalen, they will be your last."**

"**And yours will be the last of your freedom, for I do not intend to let you have the satisfaction or release of death, you will live Teyla, every moment of your existence will be painful beyond measure, you will long for death but it will not come. The glorious Teyla Emmagen, daughter to Tagan will be mine, to use and I will destroy your spirit, until there is nothing left, and then once you have borne me sons I will give you to my men. In 3 days Teyla, we will see who is beneath who."**

The Gate Disengaged and the room watched in silence as Teyla threw the dagger she was holding, it flew straight through the Stargate and landed dead centre in the wall behind. She then walked to Tyrol closed his eyes and moved is arms across his chest to cover the desecration done by Kalen. She went to the dagger in the wall, retrieved it and walked to Anna, who was still in Ronon's arms.

"I am sorry about Tyrol, if I had known" she broke off, the guilt was overwhelming, she knew Kalen had chosen to kill him just for that alone. She harden "I swear by the ancestors in 3 days I will **avenge** him!" and with that she strode from the room.

**duh...duh...duh**

**Chapter 2 soon...**

**...I hope**

**R&R - Inara**


	2. Artemis' Fury

**Chapter Two: The Fury of Artemis**

Teyla was drowning, as with every breath she forced and every step she took, her heart was crumbling under the weight of her memories, the ones she had spent her adult lifetime suppressing. As her mind was in turmoil her body took her to the training room, on instinct alone, she didn't care if it was full of people, she knew the only way to stop the memories from over powering her was to work her body and mind to exhaustion. She would have to put her body through the most difficult exercises she had mastered, far above what she had taught anyone in Atlantis, even if she wasn't trying to repress her past, she would need to train, her fight with Kalen was in three days, she had to be at her best, physically, mentally and emotionally. She spotted some sticks as she entered the room; she picked them up and effortlessly began the first circle of her dance. She paid no attention to anything else, not her heart, not the people in the room, yet she was aware of it all. She was everything and nothing all at once; she shut down her mind and truly became one with her body and the sticks.

* * *

Mark Lorne had been on Atlantis for over six months, and in those six months he had done and seen things he never could have imagined, Atlantis was different to the SGC, maybe it was because of Dr Weir, and the rest of the civilians, but Atlantis had the distinct atmosphere of home, and of family. It was probably because they lived here, not just worked, but for whatever reason, Mark knew that Atlantis was home, and the people here had become his family. He remembered being interviewed by the big wigs on Earth and then by Dr Weir and Lt Colonel Sheppard as they told him he had been selected to go to Atlantis as Colonel Sheppard's SIC. He remembered the trip on the Daedalus and even though he had been told about Atlantis, nothing could prepare him for his first glimpse; he hung back as the Atlantis team got reacquainted with the City and what had happened in their absence.

He watched as this stunningly beautiful woman greeted Dr Weir and debriefed Colonel Sheppard. Mark Lorne had been no stranger to beautiful women in his past, but there was something more to this woman, she was more than attractive, she held herself with grace and poise, but also with a confidence and strength. It was all he could do to not gawk at her, he was more than attracted, but then he saw Dr Weir retreat to what he assumed was her office, and Sheppard and the woman were left alone, he couldn't stop himself from staring at them. They just looked at one another, neither moved nor spoke, it seemed as though mere actions and words were unnecessary, Mark's breath froze and in that voyeuristic instant he realised why Atlantis still stood, against all the odds, it was these people who fought for the city, refusing to give up on each other and Mark was grateful that he had the opportunity to be part of that, even if he was doomed to fall for a woman who he could never have.

In the following weeks Mark had gotten to know Teyla, and just as he had predicted when he first saw her, he fell in love, how could he not? He knew she didn't feel the same, and surprisingly he didn't mind, as much as he loved her, he found that as he got to know her he admired her more, he had yet to see her falter, even when she had almost been forced to kill Colonel Sheppard an act which he knew would have hurt her, she still stood strong, but the Teyla that had just entered the gym was not the same he saw at breakfast this morning, he couldn't begin to decipher the emotions that were written across her face, the face that had always reflected control.

Then she began to move and he knew, without a doubt that Teyla had lost control. She moved beyond graceful, he noticed that he wasn't the only one who had stopped to watch the Athosian woman. Everybody had, men and women alike were observing as Teyla went from move to move without pause, her hands were a blur as danced across the mat, twisting and turning. Her speed and difficulty kept increasing as the room just watched, Mark noticed as he glanced at his watch that not only had nearly an hour passed but that Dr Weir, McKay, and Beckett were now present along with Ronon, Col Sheppard and Col Caldwell, they all watched Teyla with varied expressions of apprehension, fear and worry, Mark's breath froze, something was seriously wrong, the fact that these people were worried about Teyla frightened him.

* * *

Teyla instinctively knew that John was nearby, watching her again but she ignored him, she ignored everybody and kept her focus on her dance, she was nearing the end of the 13th level when she noticed that Anna had entered the room along with 6 of the Athosian fighters that were on Atlantis for further training with her, they were armed with twin swords, each engraved with their family patterns, she then noticed that Anna had brought her own pair as well. She was grateful and proud of Anna, instead of making a scene or giving up she had realised what was needed and contacted her people. It didn't happen very often, but the Athosians all knew the signs when Teyla needed to fight to exhaustion. As she finished her cycle she threw the sticks to one side. The Athosians began to circle her and from the side lines Anna threw Teyla the swords. Teyla caught the steel blades effortlessly and immediately launched into an attack. The Athosians fought back, and then began one of the most intense fights in Athosian history as their leader attempted to purge bad memories from her mind.

As John entered the gym his sight was naturally drawn to the petite woman in the centre of the room, as was everyone's, he could tell she was deep into her sparring dance, she was at a level that his eye found difficult to follow, he could tell she was pushing herself to the limit and beyond, he was worried about her since he saw her standing over the sea earlier, the scene in the gate room had shocked him on more levels than he would like to admit, he saw aspects to Teyla that he had never dreamed possible. He had known almost since the first moment they met that she was special, a leader but in the months they had worked together rarely had Teyla been less than polite or diplomatic. But as he witnessed her scathing demeanour he witnessed the other side to Teyla, the unbridled fury that she could barely contain, she used her words to inflict maximum pain, maim and belittle. He wasn't angry or disappointed, he was surprised that he was shocked; he of all people should know that Teyla had many layers. But as he watched her with Tyrol and her talk with Kalen she was cold, distant even, somehow she had buried her emotions so deep that even he could not see them…and that worried Sheppard, he had never felt as cut off from Teyla as he did in those minutes and it hurt he felt bereft he hadn't realised how much of himself he had placed in Teyla until she retreated so completely and utterly.

However it was only as Anna and some of Teyla's Athosian trainees entered with some wicked looking swords and immediately began fighting against Teyla that he began to understand. Teyla was punishing herself, Anna recognised something about Teyla that even in the midst of her grief she noticed exactly what her leader needed. If he thought Teyla was amazing before that was nothing compared to what he was witnessing now. The Athosians were excellent but it was obvious that they were her students and only their superior numbers kept them from being destroyed by Teyla, who John could tell was still holding back slightly. She was in constant motion, the only pauses she took was in slower movements or in the rare moment that she was thrown to the mat. As one of the Athosians took a particularly brutal hit to his jaw the room winced they could hear Anna whisper "They best get here soon". And the room realised that these men were just stalling Teyla, holding her back until the rest could arrive.

* * *

Caldwell winced alongside everybody else as one of Teyla's blade cut a young Athosian male, not too deep; the cut was shallow and had struck the fighter as Teyla was retreating, almost as an afterthought. He had questions from the scene he had witnessed earlier in the gateroom, but he didn't dare intrude on the scene in front of him. He had read the reports on Teyla Emmagen before arriving in Atlantis, he was intrigued by the alien woman, and Sgt Bates report had worried him, yet as he got to know her and observed her, his fears ceased. He found he best related to her as a soldier, she was the consummate professional, his respect had only grown when he realised she was prepared to shoot her closest friend and ally to save the people of the expedition, even then she had remained in control, graceful to the end. Yet here he was witnessing one of the most savage fights he could remember, especially as she was not fighting the enemy, but her own people, no…Caldwell realised Teyla was battling her own demons. Finally three of the Athosians managed to throw Teyla hard against a wall and earned themselves a slight breather.

As he watched Teyla rise to her feet, Caldwell heard the sound of footsteps he turned to the doorway and saw a large group of Athosians enter, a score of fighters and half a dozen elderly members, well they were in their fifties, so in Athosian terms they were elderly. Anna immediately went over to the newcomers and began whispering, he heard the names Kalen and Tyrol mentioned. The Athosian fighters had entered the fight seamlessly, giving their counterparts a much needed reprieve, Teyla however had not faltered and just continued to attack.

It had been 3 hours since the Athosians elders entered the gym, and only 30 minutes since Teyla had collapsed her body unable to handle the stress she had placed on it. John was conflicted, his heart and soul demanded that he stay in the infirmary and watch over Teyla, his mind however told him that he should go to the meeting in the briefing room that was debating the evening's events. In the end duty won, even Carson was going to briefing after determining that Teyla would be out for hours as her body recuperated. So with a heavy heart John Sheppard went to the briefing, hoping to get information on the situation, hopefully the Athosians would be able to shed some light on the matter. But as he made his way to the briefing room Sheppard's heart was sinking, he knew that whatever he was about to find out was not going to be pleasant, with a clairvoyance he was beginning to associate with Teyla he knew with absolute certainty that the next few days Teyla was going to hell and back, and that she would have to do so alone, and it was the latter that John knew would break him. That he would have to let her face her demons alone, metaphorically and literally. Duty demanded that he put the security of Atlantis before all else, as much as he wanted to be there for Teyla he knew that she would need him, yet she would never forgive him or herself if he neglected Atlantis, neglected his duty for her, and so he had to let her go…in less than 72 hours she was going to fight…alone…and he had to let her. He didn't think he could survive that, but as he entered the briefing room he buried all of worries and turned to the Athosians present "who the hell is this Kalen?"

**Author Notes:**

**First of all, immense apologies for the delay in updating this fic, it's been forever I know, sorry. For those who read and reviewed 'Price of Leadership', I'm sorry but I removed the fic, I really was NOT happy with that story, I may go back to it at a later date, but unfortunately right now, this fic and my other 2 take precedence. This chapter was actually written a while ago and I was going add some stuff, but I felt bad about the massive delay in updating, so I'll move some plot into chapter 3, which should be much more action packed and moving the story forward, this chapter is mostly filler, sorry but it was necessary.**

**I've also edited and repost the first chapter of this fic, as I realised I had made some major mistakes, primarily calling Col Caldwell, Col Everett doh! But nobody mentioned it! Shame on you. But it has highlighted my desperate need for a beta. So if anybody has the spare time and is willing to Beta this fic and/or my BSG fic and my Angel. Please let me know, it would be greatly appreciated.**

**Finally thanks to Lea, Capt Ritter, Jodi, Elle, Ripsconscullmin, Camy and Alyssa-Naberrie for reviewing your comments were very inspiring and kind. Thank You.**

**Capt Ritter- thanks for your review in particular, it was one of the main reasons I re-read the first chapter, and as a result repost the first chapter, you were absolutely right my chapters were inordinately long. Hope this chapter was an improvement. **

**Also thanks to everybody who placed this fic and/or me on their alert and fave lists, thanks, and for placing this story on various C2's. Cheers.**

**Inara.xxx**


	3. Artemis chooses Orion, Apollo is left be

**AN: Thanks to Sean for betaing, you will all appreciate the difference.****  
**

**Chapter 3: Artemis chooses Orion… Apollo is left behind.**

Fear, Worry, Anger, Despair, Fury, Impotence, and Terror, John had experienced them all, as a fighter pilot he had been in some terrifying and death defying situations. But never in his life had he felt them all at once, not when he witnessed his mother battle and lose her fight against cancer, not when he witnessed his best friend's explode in front of his very eyes, not when he had break the news to Mitch's fiancée a week before the wedding that Mitch's wedding day was to be the day of the funeral, not Afghanistan, not Sumner, not the awaking of the wraith, not the death of countless pilots, marines, scientists and civilians under his command. All those situations tested him, to the limit, but none of them had caused such confliction, his heart, mind, soul and spirit were all at war with one another, and through it all he was overcome by his helplessness, his impotence.

3 hours

180 minutes

10,800 seconds

…Since **she **had gone

…Since **_they_** had left.

She had conceded. It had taken the combined forces of Weir, Ronon, McKay, Carson and surprisingly Caldwell and himself to get her to agree to an escort. His relief at her acquiescence was short lived, as much as he needed to go with her, be there for her, his heart knew she would never allow it, her duty to them would not let her put the military leader of Atlantis in danger, not for herself. Knowing that didn't stop the pain he experienced when she silently refused his offer, help, she refused _him_. Ronon he could understand, he trusted the Satedan to watch over her on missions, he could have accepted Ronan, but she didn't choose Ronon. Ronon was currently expending his own anger at being left behind in the gym; he had been since **_they _**left.

He knew it was petty, under the circumstances it should not even be on his radar; he had more than enough problems and worries. But he couldn't stop himself from wondering… since when did Teyla trust Mark Lorne more than him. When had that happened? Was he so self-involved? Did he miss the signs? She** chose** Lorne, his own second in command for crying out loud. What terrified him the most, incensed him was the look of relief in her eyes when Lorne readily accepted her offer. His 2IC, and his…teammate…best friend…_his _Teyla. How could he have been so blind? He was so damn tired, tired of the situation, tired at holding himself back, tired of pretending that he was ok, tired of hiding, tired of how Teyla made him feel, how she so easily affect him tear him down, crush his heart and them mend it all with a smile. He hated her for the power she had over him, hated himself for not actually hating her. She made him weak, but she was his also truest strength…and right now she was fighting for her life, on an unknown planet, with someone who wasn't him watching her back and all he could was wait.

**000000**

Laura wasn't a hesitant person by nature; she was a marine for god's sake, an explosives expert. Yet here she was _hesitating _outside _his_lab. He had already run off his entire staff, barring Zelenka who was sneaking glances at McKay who was typing furiously away. Witnessing Radek wince as McKay let out a particularly interesting string of expletives she decided to be brave and enter the lair of the Minotaur; after all she brought gifts to appease the monster within.

She smiled at Radek who gave her a relieved sigh as she entered; the Czech wasted no time in escaping. Her heart broke as she saw McKay barely acknowledge the changing of the guard.

"_Rod-ney" _Laura drawled in her soft southern accent.

"Huh- what? What are you doing here Cadman?"

Laura ignored his waspish tone; she was so used to McKay that it didn't even register. "Hey, I brought you some coffee and some food, you need to eat Rodney" she admonished him gently. He was hiding, avoiding, trying to lose himself in his work, she knew his patterns, and contrary to popular belief, when McKay was truly afraid he turned silent, internal. And right now she knew he was worried about Teyla. His teammate was on another planet, fighting for her life, and Laura knew that Rodney was terrified for her.

She smiled softly as Rodney began to eat ravenously, Laura herself had only got to know the Athosian leader after her 'melding' with Rodney, before then Laura had only been aware of the other woman, but after the event she had found herself watching Rodney, unconsciously she would seek him out in a room, and she began to feel conflicted, she liked Carson, a lot…but she was drawn to McKay. Thankfully only Teyla had noticed her preoccupation with the snappish scientist.

She had a peculiar relationship with the Athosian, it wasn't a typical friendship, but over the last few months Teyla had been a welcome support, Laura personally thought that the Athosian woman recognised and sympathised with Laura's situation, a woman being pulled in two different directions.

Laura herself was concerned with Teyla's situation, but at this moment she knew that Teyla would want her to watch out for Rodney. She knew how hard it was for Rodney to trust, to let people in, but she knew that Sheppard, Teyla, Weir, Carson and Zelenka were all recipients of that trust. She even suspected that Ronon and herself were becoming as important to McKay, not that he would ever admit it. They stayed that way, McKay tried to stay busy, bury himself in his work, and Laura watched over him, so he wasn't alone.

**000000**

Elizabeth was a worrier, it was in her nature, and ever since she took command of the SGC and especially since she became the leader of Atlantis she had become accustomed to worry, apprehension and fear. They were constant companions especially if she had teams offworld, especially SGA-1, that team were walking trouble magnets. Even though she was familiar with the feelings, she didn't like them, she was worried for Teyla, but her gut knew that Teyla could take care of herself and Mark Lorne was a trusted a capable man, no ...Elizabeth was more concerned for her 2IC, and military leader. He hadn't moved for over 6 hours, his gaze hadn't left the gate, as if willing it to open would work…it didn't.

Elizabeth knew John more than cared for Teyla, how could she not? They both radiated their admiration and care for one another. But she also knew the situation they were in, the war against the wraith didn't allow for the command staff to have relationships, especially not with each other, it was too dangerous, unprofessional and their duty to the rest of Atlantis to heavy. Elizabeth's heart ached for her two closest friends, to be stuck in their situation, forced to interact yet unable to act as they desired. Living in fear, that one of them may die any day, yet still continue in their charade of military professional. She still had nightmares of her time as Phoebus, Phoebus' desire to kill Thalen, to kill John, if not by her hand then by Teyla's. They had come so close to being destroyed, she didn't think Atlantis could survive the loss of John Sheppard or Teyla Emmagen or even herself, if Phoebus had won then none of them would have survived that situation.

Ironically it was Phoebus that reminded Elizabeth of the strength of John and Teyla's relationship, and their strength as leaders, she knew what killing Sheppard would have done to Teyla, she had every right to refuse, yet her head remained held high, like a goddess. Elizabeth had always been interested in mythology, there had been times in the last year where she had see facets of the Greek Gods around her, Aiden Ford, like Icarus he burned out, too soon.

Carson was like Poseidon deceptively calm, until angered, and then his fury was unleashed. McKay was as brilliant as Hephaestus and just as ridiculed, Sheppard could have been any of the heroes, Odysseus on his journey, Jason on his quest, Achilles the great warrior, Helios the sun god, Hermes the winged messenger, Ares at his worse, but most of all in Sheppard she saw Apollo, with golden arrows that brought justice and pain. Teyla was Artemis reincarnate, the huntress, and twin to Apollo.

Elizabeth prayed to the gods that Teyla and Lorne returned safe, because she didn't think John would survive any other outcome. Lt Colonel John Sheppard would exist, his honour, duty and oath would allow nothing less, but John Sheppard the man, her friend, and he would cease to exist without his mate.

**000000**

6 hours 25 minutes

375 minutes

22, 500 seconds…

…Since he had seen her, alive and well.

His well trained military mind had already thought of hundreds of scenarios, each one progressively getting worse, they could have been ambushed, betrayed, attacked by the wraith, the genii, Kalen could have won…how long did a fight to the death take anyway? Lorne could at least get in touch, let them know how things were going, if only he knew the Stargate address, but unfortunately Teyla had foreseen John's plans and had travelled to a neutral planet and from their she and Lorne would gate to her meeting with Kalen. She had however given Elizabeth _an_ address to only be used if there was no contact for 3 days…_3 days_…72 hours a lot could happen in 72 hours…John's world could end, and he still had 65 hours and counting to go.

**000000**

**_'Crack'_**

Mark winced as Teyla endured another backbreaking lash, this bastard _Kalen _seemed to favour a reinforced whip. He had lost count of the hits scored and landed by Teyla, the match itself was confusing, it was no holds barred and without a time limit yet it was infused with tradition. There was no restrictions on the weapons they could use, yet neither had chosen any number of 'advanced' weapons available but rather had opted for more traditional weaponry, they both were equally matched, in all areas, stamina, range, versatility and aptitude. Watching them against each other he could detect similarities in their form, style and stances, it obvious to his eye at least that they had trained together regularly, probably had learnt together.

It was disconcerting, someone equally as good as Teyla, all through the run up to this event he hadn't really thought that 'Kalen' could or would be better than Teyla. Especially after he had witnessed her training for this fight, where he got to see the truth depth and level of Teyla's skill. Even Ronon and Colonel Sheppard had appeared shocked.

Their current location was also a surprise, it wasn't a world that he recognised, but then that was hardly surprising. The architecture and dress was simple yet elegant, graceful and concise. The closest comparison he could find in Earth's cultures was 'Japanese', the structure they had first been led to, was indeed similar to a 'dojo' and Teyla was apparently familiar with both the people and the location. She had been greeted with warmth and respect, and by association as had he.

Mark had expected them to travel to some abandoned planet to witness Teyla and Kalen to fight, with only a few witnesses, for Teyla to win and then they left victorious back to Atlantis. Instead they had travelled to a well-kept, fertile planet, full of what appeared to be children aged between 4 and 18. He later learned that they were at a 'school' he didn't know what they taught, but weaponry was definitely one of the classes. They were actually less than 100 children, but they weren't the only audience. Elders, Leaders, Chiefs and Monarchs from a variety of worlds were also present. This wasn't an ordinary 'grudge match', Mark Lorne was quickly learning that Teyla Emmagen had many secrets.

He later learnt that as both Teyla and Kalen were leaders of their worlds that their status required certain formalities to be met. Which included a full quorum to witness the match. The fight was not a continuous affair, but rather a series of 13 bouts spread out over 3 days (another fact Teyla had failed to mention), and each contender was allowed a maximum of 3 'timeouts'. The fight did not always last 13 bouts, the fighters could end the fight at any point by killing their opponent, if by the 13th bout, both contenders are still alive then the last bout is literally to the death, continuing until somebody finally wins. They were now in the 7 bout on the 2nd day and the wear was showing on both the fighters. They had fought furiously the day before, each winning 3 bouts each, both had quickly tired of verbal attacks and had instead concentrated on their opponent's moves, as a single mistake could be fatal.

As Teyla was struck down yet again, this time by a vicious whack to the head from a fire-hardened assegai, Mark wondered if this was the time she wouldn't get back up.

_**TBC...**_

**Author Notes:**

**  
Sorry about the delay in between updates, a combination of RL and computer viruses have conspired to make my life hellish, I am about to start a new job soon but I will endeavour to keep some sort of updating schedule, unfortunately I have 2 other WIP's to complete as well, so there may be a delay.**

**If anybody is confused by the title of the chapter, Mark Lorne is Orion, Teyla is Artemis and Sheppard is Apollo, so if the Greek Mythology is a bit much but I found that the story was quite apt. **

** Jodi: Glad you're enjoying the story, your review inspired me to update faster.**

**Sean: Thanks for all your helpful comments and insights. Hope you like. **

**Princessdreams: Here's the next chapter, thanks for taking the time to review**

**Camy: Thank you for the amazing comments, you totally made my day, I hope this chapter answers your queries about Lorne's role, he was originally part of the filler, but I like the idea of seeing Teyla through Lorne, because he came in season 2, he's the combination of audience perception and a fresh outlook. From a shipper perspective then if you think about it Teyla and Lorne are quite similar, both quiet, introspective and serious individuals. He could actually give Sheppard competition and Lorne is the safe/sensible option for Teyla...so you'll have to wait and see...  
**

**Ripsconscullmin: Thank you for the helpful comments, personally I was horrified I had made such a blantant error as refering to Caldwell as Everett, but in my defence nobody else noticed either, or they were too polite to point it out. On the 'Price of Leadership' I will go back to it at a later date, probably after I have completed all my current fics, I still like the premise of the story, it just went off on a tangent, so I'll most likely cut the latter part and attempt to stick to the plot. Glad you liked it though.  
**

**Jtjaforever: Thanks for reviewing, here's the update, not too long by my usual standards. (ps welcome to the party)  
**

**Kym: No need to wait too long here is Chapter 3, nice to hear from you.  
**

**Elle: Ah elle, your comments make me blush for the entire day, I'm glad you like the fic and notice the tiny details, Lorne was initially chosen as external perspective, but as I wrote him I felt he honestly would be drawn to Teyla, and he actually is well suited to her, it all about whether Teyla chooses the safe option or her heart, i.e. DutyLorne or LoveJohn.  
**

**Glocap: Nice to hear from you, thank you for the wonderful comments, IMO Teyla has many layers, she is a leader of her planet/people, well educated, a warrior, diplomat, woman, teammate, and living in an alien environment pretty much alone and isolated. Like all humans she has flaws, but her role/position doesn't allow them to be visible, I try to show that aspect of her character as much as possible. especially as she doesn't get to in the show. You'll definately see more of Teyla through Lorne's eyes, he is the Orion of the piece, and I like the idea that Caldwell and Teyla can relate to each other about honour and duty and how their lives are defined by the two concepts.**

** Let me know what you think, I am interested in how other people see this story. **

** R&R.**

** Inara.xxx  
**


	4. Orion watches Artemis Fall

**Authors Note: I know, I know, it's been forever since I updated, but I have my excuses ready, **

**1) I don't know if made you aware but my lapto was found to have some hyper-intelligent virus' on it and was officially declared DEAD. So my laptop is being rebuilt, from scratch as apparently it's easier to build the damn thing than to remove the virus'. So being the intelligent woman that I am, I save all my current work on to a memory stick and all my archived work onto another. Now my current work memory stick had decided not to work due to a physical fault from using it too much, as a direct result of not being able to use my lap top. In short I lost ALL my current work, Duty ch4, Unappreciated ch10, Who Are We ch6, and Broken ch4. **

**2) I started a new job, last month, with crappy shifts, and had to buy a car etc, so Real Life got in the way of me being able to find time to write, as well as family commitments, damn wedding season.**

**3) Still have no lap top and have robbed my Dad's. therefore limited access.**

**4) Muse went on holiday, must have been a last minute bargain, cause she left me with 4 stories on the go! Pesky muses (lol)**

**RATING WARNING...THIS STORY IS STILL RATED T, BUT THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER HAS STRONG REFERENCES TO VIOLENCE AND ADULT THEMES, SO PLEASE BE WARNED. IF ANYBODY WOULD LIKE AN EDITED VERSION PLEASE EMAIL ME.**

Anyway sorry for the delay, I hope this makes up for it...

**Chapter Four: Orion watches as Artemis falls, as Apollo continues his vigil.**

Teyla was beyond exhausted; she had just won the 12th bout, by the slimmest margin. She honestly didn't think she had enough strength left in her to continue. They had entered the final day of the bouts, indeed this was the 1st fight in centuries that had actually last all 13 bouts, and Teyla was 6 hours short of her 72 hour deadline that she gave Sheppard. She knew without doubt that at 72 hours and 1 minute, John would demand the address she had entrusted to Elizabeth and come after her.

Teyla knew she could not let that happen, not only would it be a waste of resources but it would also be a death sentence for her team, nobody could set foot on Elarios without invitation, even Mark Lorne had to be blindfolded before he set foot on the sacred planet.

She didn't think she could take much more, every moment on the planet she was overcome by memories, of her tutelage, her lessons, and memories of happier days, when she and Kalen had trained together with the rest of their group, before he had changed, as evidenced by the brutal murder of her father. She remembered the day clearly, sometimes too clearly.

The smell of the late summer blooms, the shock of her father's body hurtling out of the ring, hearing how her husband to be had attacked her father and how with his dying breath Tagen Emmagen extracted a promise from his daughter. Whose life, fate had changed drastically in seconds, destiny taking her life in its hand. That moment her life began on a path she couldn't reject. The weight of her father's dying wish was the heaviest burden she had to bear.

"_I failed you Teyla, and for that I am eternally sorry, but the burden is now yours to bear. In your hands lies the future of our people, the Athosian civilisation will live or die by your hand. Remain strong and true to duty. For with the betrayal of your betrothed duty had now become your husband. Lead our people, it is your destiny, I see it clearly now, your life will be full of pain, loneliness and despair. _

_You will be tested beyond your imagination; you will travel to the depths of hell and be burned. But if you remain true to yourself, dutiful and honourable our people will survive. Destiny and fate have decided your path for you Teyla just remember to have faith, believe and our people will be free. I love you my daughter, you are my proudest moment, lead them well Teyla." _

And with those parting words Tagen Emmagen died, and with him Teyla the girl and daughter died too. And in her place arose Teyla Emmagen leader of the Athosians. Teyla had been the dutiful leader of her people for over a decade and the idea that it could all be over soon was more tempting than she had realised. No more constant fighting, the wraith, her own people, the military of Earth, her own heart. But however tempting the idea of letting go was, Teyla Emmagen could not, _would _not surrender. Not to Kalen the man who destroyed her life and set her on this path.

There was also John, she couldn't leave him, he was the only weakness she allowed herself to have. In the depths of her heart, where it was safe, she allowed herself to dream, of a slender boy with his father's love of fast objects, and a little girl with her mother's complexion, her father eyes and mischief. The dream that her heart craved but her mind knew could never happen. Not in this time, this reality, maybe if they were different people without the responsibility of their people or the galaxy on their shoulders.

There it was, the strength that she had been lacking, her children, never mind that they didn't exist, she would fight for their possibility, for the dream, Kalen couldn't beat that, nobody could. And with that burst of determination Teyla entered the 13th and final bout.

**XOXOXO**

John stared at the flame, on the first night of his vigil, the Athosian elders had began lighting scores of candles, to 'light her way home' they had said. He remembered when the 'shadow' monster had attacked them in their first week, and Teyla had told the children that the creature was afraid of light. He noticed then that she always knew how to calm a situation, to give hope; she had also been the one to suggest that the creature may want to leave Atlantis, thereby giving them the solution they had desperately needed.

But standing on the balcony overlooking the gate, he wished she was with him, calming him with her soothing presence, the candlelight helped, gave him a connection to her, he could see her in his mind's eye meditating, finding and revelling in a balance he could never attain. A balance he was in desperate need of.

It was getting closer to the deadline, only 6 hours to go.

6 hours

360 minutes

21, 600 seconds…

…before he could officially panic, before he could _officially _care. He knew he wasn't the only one who was worried, the only one who cared about Teyla, but he knew he _was the only one would break at her loss. He'd survive but he wouldn't live, not without her._ Not that he was alone right now; since Teyla and Lorne had gone he had a constant stream of visitors, sympathisers, friends.

His team had stayed the longest, Ronon only left to shower, and expel his frustration in the gym, and by the first night Rodney had just set up his laptop next to John, all three member's stayed through the night, usually Elizabeth would bring them all breakfast and stay with him whilst the others went to shower and change clothes. When they returned they would gang up on him to get him to do the same, on the second day it took an order from Caldwell and Weir to get him to leave his post, and Carson would bring him lunch, and force him to eat.

John Sheppard was surrounded by people who cared, in fact the gate room always had someone waiting, Teyla and Lorne were well liked by the whole expedition and the Athosians were always around. Anna in particular had stayed the longest, she would stand with the Atlantis members and tell them all stories about the Athosian people and Teyla in particular, she had only been 2 when Teyla had assumed the title of leader, she remembered many tales and retold some she had been told by her mother.

"_I remember once, I was about five and we were hiding in the caves, north of our village, hiding from the wraith, and I was terrified, father was guarding the entrance and I was sandwiched between my mother and Galen, I was crying, quietly but my mother still heard me, and she told me to stop crying that there was no need, that nothing would happen because Teyla would protect us, that the ancestors sent her to protect us from the wraith. And I believed her, how could I not, she was so strong, always, she would always make sure we were safe, and then go out and patrol. Ancestors she must have only been 17 or 18 of your years old but we as a people knew she could protect us, her strength and her gift was the strongest we had witnessed in almost a millennia."_

The Atlantis contingent remained deep in their thoughts after hearing that particular story, the only thing John could focus on was anger, he had a deep burning fury that Teyla had to carry such a heavy burden at such a young age, at 18 he was hanging out with friends, enjoying life before he signed up to be a pilot, not running around trying to protect an entire civilisation from being hunted by life sucking monsters

He'd seen that time had once again played with him, he now only had one hour to go until the deadline would officially end. He noticed that the gateroom slowly became more populated as Atlantis prepared for the arrival of 2 of their warriors to return, hopefully victorious. The Athosian elders and a large contingent of the people, about 20-30 all entered and began placing more candles and oil lamps as well as placing petals of some sort of flower on the ground before the gate before they all arranged themselves to wait, either Teyla and Lorne would return victorious or Lorne would return with Teyla's remains, either way they would all know in less than an one hour.

52 minutes,

3120 seconds…

…until John Sheppard knew whether or not he lived or survived?

**XOXOXO**

Mark Lorne was a 36 year old Major in the US Marine Corps, he was a veteran of the SGC and SIC of the military contingent of the Atlantis Expedition, the biggest endeavour of humankind, therefore Mark Lorne could not be easily surprised, but again life in the Pegasus galaxy had proved him wrong. He watched on tenterhooks as the final bout drew more and more vicious, Teyla had got some very good hits in but Kalen, managed to hold her off, her strength was waning it was visible to all, but she managed to hold on time and time again.

Then Kalen had done the unthinkable and injected Teyla with some sort of compound. There were cries of what Mark could only assume was the Pegasus Galaxy's version of 'foul'. But as Teyla was clearly incapacitated, she seemed to be 'off' confused; clearly she had been drugged but was having difficulty in fighting it off. But the elders and judges had let the fight continue, obviously disapproving but had reminded the quorum and the audience that within the 13th bout all rules were suspended, save that the fight was one on one. So Kalen was still acting within the parameters of the rules, however distasteful his methods were to quorum. It was at this point that Lorne along with everybody else expected Kalen to defeat Teyla, instead he began to verbally and physically assault Teyla. Reminding her of her position as his betrothed and how she would live her life at his mercy as his wife and plaything.

Lorne began to get more and more agitated as it looked like he was about to witness Teyla's ultimate humiliation, her rape at the hands of her worst enemy, in front of her peers, when she had no control over her own faculties. Mark began fighting his way to her, determined to stop Kalen, but before he could take another step his path was blocked. He looked at the faces of those in his way and stepped back. Lorne knew then that nobody wanted this to happen but, Kalen had yet to break a rule, and more importantly every single person and child present would kill Kalen if possible, without violating there most sacred rules.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla started as she felt a pin prick on her arm, milliseconds later she felt light headed. Her vision blurred, and she held on tightly to her father's dagger trying to stay in touch with reality, why she was there. To fight Kalen, she was already covered in cuts and bruises, some cosmetic, most deep and dangerous. But then she began hearing things, not the green voices of the forest around the school, but the ocean, the ocean she associated with Atlantis, and with John.

She was in bed, their bed, hers and John's and she was sleepy, John's arm was stroking up and down her back lulling her to sleep, but she could her voices in the background. She blinked and all of sudden she was back on Elarios with Kalen spouting hateful possessive words at her. She fell to the floor easily, too easily when he pushed her, she knew she should fight him but couldn't focus. She tightened her hand around the dagger when Kalen's hands began to grope her, she closed her eyes when his face was over hers and she could smell him, the essence of him, it made her feel dirty.

She tried to go back to that place in her mind, her bed with John, when all of sudden, she heard "MOMMA WAKE UP!" just as she opened her eyes the vision in front of her changed from her 2 children to Kalen with tongue down her throat, and with all her strength she brought her dagger up and slit his throat, all the while maintaining Kalen's eyes as his expression changed from lust and victory to shock and pain, and finally frozen in death. She could feel the heat of his blood pour over her, some even down her throat as she managed to push him off of her.

**XOXOXO**

For the second time in 10 minutes Mark Lorne was shocked and surprised by the events unfolding in front of him. Just as he had resigned himself to watching Teyla being raped, or more realistically plotting ways he could over power the guards and kill Kalen with his bare hands that Teyla fought back. He didn't how she found the strength but in the time it took for him to blink Teyla had slit the bastard's throat.

The silence was palpable as everybody tried to reconcile what had happened, but that silence was shattered when they heard the dull thud of Kalen's body hitting the ground as Teyla managed to push him off her. That jumpstarted Mark as he ran towards her, he didn't know what to do, where to touch her, there was no place on her that he could that wasn't covered in blood or bruise. Not to mention that Kalen had bled all over her front, or at least he hoped it was Kalen's blood, it was too much to come out of Teyla's small frame and her still survive. When he touched her face and murmured her name, she just whispered "it's your turn to feed the baby John, I did it last time" and with that she slipped unconscious.

Major Mark Lorne froze, he knew that she and Sheppard had a connection, how could he not. A blind man could see they cared about each other. But they had never allowed themselves to overtly show any signs, but Mark couldn't deny that a tiny part of his heart broke as she admitted to dreaming about a future with his boss, not only a future but a family. But as much as his heart broke with the final realisation that nobody could come close to John Sheppard in Teyla's heart. His heart hurt for the impossibility of her dream, and the fact that it would always remain a dream. His musings were broken when one of the elders placed a necklace around Teyla's neck and then woke her up with some smelling salts.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla awoke to pain, lots of pain, slowly her mind began to assimilate what had happened, as the vestiges of her fantasy world with John and their children dissipated, she began to catalogue her injuries and realised they were indeed serious and in need of Carson's attention. Remembering Carson she gasped and opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Mark Lorne's concern filled gaze, there was also a shadow in his eyes but she didn't have time to guess at its nature. Instead she demanded "How long left until he- they worry?"

Mark noticed her slip but let it slide and refrained from telling her that _he _would have worried the minute she was out of sight. Instead he looked at his watch and started, he knew it was approaching dusk on the planet, but in the pandemonium he hadn't translated that into the time they had left before they were due back on Atlantis. They had 20 minutes.

He met her gaze and told her, Teyla then forced herself up to her feet and without waiting made her way towards the gate. Her movement shook everybody and within seconds a carriage like contraption was brought and Teyla and he were carted to the gate. Lorne was surprised at the efficiency and that nobody was upset that they were leaving, he had expected to be stuck in rituals for hours. When he had broached this to the accompanying elder, the elder chuckled.

"There will time enough for ceremony, quiet one, Teyla understands what will be required of her when she is ready, she always knew. Her fate was decided long ago, we are all but pawns in the Ancestors game." With that confusing answer they arrived at the gate, as Lorne began to dial out he looked at Teyla, she looked exhausted, battered but underneath all the blood she looked powerful, but as he met her eyes he started at the pain they held. Mark Lorne knew that it was physical pain he saw, but something much deeper. Instead of mentioning anything he just nodded to her when he got the all clear from his IDC. It was time to go home, they were waiting.

And with a minute left on the deadline, Teyla Emmagen stepped up to the gate without a backward glance, she knew she would see a lot of the school and what it represented in days to come. She looked down at the necklace and gave it a slight touch as she stepped through the gate, a minute behind Lorne, all the while wondering if the price she had just paid was too much.

**XOXOXO**

**Thanks to the following:**

**Capt Ritter: Thanks for the wicked comments, your thoughts mean alot. So Thanks**

**Irrestibly Desired: Here we go rated T, especially for you, although this chapter was leaning towards M in places, overall I thought you were right the story is at T level. Anyway here's more, as requested, sorry about the delay. Let me know if you think this chapter rated T or M?**

**Wella: Here's the culmination, hope it was upto expectations. Lot more still to come. Thanks for reviewing, love to hear what you thought of this chapter.**

**Kym: I know, I left you hanging, it wasn't on purpose I promise, just a conflux of circumstances, anyway hope this chapter makes upfor ir, hopefully there won't be too much of a delay from now on.**

**Ripsconscullmin: Thanks for the beautiful words, hopefully this chapter lived up to the last, and maybe inspires more lovely words? (only kidding, honestly thank you taking the time to review, I am very greatful)**

**Elle: I think that virus' can be annoying is one of the biggest understatements, of my life right now. But thank you for the kind words, and I've taken into consideration your comments regarding my timing, you're right that paragraph could and should have waited, live and learn eh! Anyway let me know what you thought of chapter 4.**

**Harleyzgirl: Thank you for your patience and kind comments, sorry about the delay, hope this makes up for it.**

**Jodi: Thank you for your review, not so much J/T in this chapter but I did give you some fantasy J/T flluffiness. But there will be alot more J/T coming up, as there is alot to deal with, and It won't be smooth, but then when has life in the Pegasus galaxy ever been smooth.**

**Sarge1: Thanks for the empathetic review. Here's more, let me know what you think, and if you want anyMORE! (lol, thanks for taking the time to review)**

ANYWAY BIG THANKS TO ALL THOSE THAT HAVE STAYED WITH THE STORY, ESPECIALLY WITH MY INFREQUENT UPDATES, I'LL TRY AND DO BETTER I PROMISE. THANK YOU FOR READING, IT MEANS ALOT.

Inara.


	5. Orion's Duty

**Author's Note: Oh My God, You guys are the best ever. Seriously I am humbled by the amazing response chapter 4 recieved, especially since there was such a delay in between chapters. I was afraid people had lost interest or forgotten. So this chapter is my heartfelt thank you, to all my faithful readers and reviewers, you have all made an otherwise crappy period of my life alot happier. So please bear with me as I thank the many people who reviewed. If you reviewed please read my thank you. The fast update is entirely due to them, the inspiration for chapter 5 was from their kind words.**

**HUGS AND KISSES GO TO:**

**Cpt Ritter/Sean: I so sighed in relief as you said'practically forgotten', whew, glad you remembered. I must admit I did experience some guilty pleasure writing Kalen's death, it was catharthic. This chapter is setting up what you want, I know I'm a tease. But thanks for all your help.**

**Ripsconscullmin: OMG Thanks for your amazing review, I honest to god blushed, I'm really happy you enjoyed the fic, hope this chapter lives up to the previous, it is mostly set up and getting back into the mindset of John. Chapter 6 is going to have everything you want, I've already written half of it. Thank you again for taking time to review, you so made my day.**

**Ayrstar: Here's a quick update just for you, thanks for your lovely comments.**

**Harleyzgirl: I made you like Lorne, wow, that is an accomplishment. I always find Lorne underused in the show like Teyla, hence I tend to have them empathsise with each other.**

**Jodi: How fast is this update! Check me out! Thanks again for reading and reviewing.**

**Wella: Wow you read every word, I blushed, you probably noticed all the typos! (lol). Here's an extra fast update for you.**

**Kym: Thanks for your kind words, and for keeping with the story.**

**Naomi: Here's the next installment, I agree with you about Lorne, he and John are similar in some respects.**

**Jtjaforever: Thanks for the comment reading my portrayal of Teyla, it really meant alot. This chapter is more John's perspective.**

**Loveconquers: Screw RL, everybody's comments meant I had to write this chapter, who needs sleep? I laugh in the face of...sleep (lol), I've actually written 1/2 chapter 6. Thanks for your wicked comments.**

**Armygirl96: Welcome to the party, thanks for taking the time to read and review, hope you like this chapter, let me know.**

**Noro: Thanks for the succint review, let me know what you think of this one.**

**THANKS AGAIN, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THOUGHT OF THIS CHAPTER, GOOD, BAD AND UGLY. **

**Chapter Five: Orion's duty**

1 minute

60 seconds, he just had to wait 60 seconds before he could demand the address from Elizabeth and go save Teyla. His eyes left the gate and travelled to Elizabeth; she seemed to understand his silent question and moved towards her office. But as soon as she had taken her first step the gate began to spin.

"Incoming traveller"

"Major Lorne's IDC"

"About time!"

"Put down the iris and let him through"

John heard the various responses but his eyes were focused on the large spinning ring, this was it, either way he'd know, the wait was over.

The entire room held their collective breath as the puddle formed. And a few tense breaths were released when they saw Lorne appear through the gate unharmed, but his uniform had some blood stains that were glaringly obvious and fresh.

John was frozen, he saw Lorne and on some level was relieved his SIC was okay, but then he wasn't really in danger. His eyes narrowed as he made eye contact with the major.

Mark took an unconscious step back as he met the glacial stare of his commander. It was in stark contrast to the warmth and welcome provided by all the candles and lamps. It was then that Lorne realised that Teyla still hadn't stepped through the gate, but as he turned to the gate, the Athosian woman had stepped through the event horizon.

**XOXOXO**

There were many gasps, and exclamations from a variety of sources as the Athosians and Atlantis team first saw Teyla. She looked like a bloody, vengeful goddess, her hair, face and body was drenched in blood, as if she had bathed in it.

Elizabeth wanted to throw up; she had seen many horrific images since coming to Atlantis, but seeing one of her best friends, someone who she had always admired. Look so battered, broken, bleeding, so red. She couldn't help but wonder, what the hell happened?

**XOXOXO**

John's eyes took in her condition in milliseconds; he noted every visible cut and bruise. His appraisal ended at her eyes, they looked exhausted, in pain, but also cloudy. John was concerned, Teyla's eyes always used to have a clarity in them that he envied. But looking at her today that clarity was lacking, just as he began moving towards her, he didn't care about the audience he needed her in his arms, at least for an instance, so he knew for sure that she was back, that he wasn't imagining her.

His foot had just left the bottom step when as Teyla took an unsteady step in his direction that she collapsed. She just folded in herself as though she could no longer carry her own weight. As John rushed to reach her before her head collided with the unforgiving and hard floor of the gateroom that Mark Lorne beat him to her. The major was of course closer to Teyla and had managed to catch her just in time. But as soon as he laid her gently on the ground that she began seizing. Her back arched high, as she shook, the strength of the tremors almost breaking her apart.

By the time John reached the pair, all he could do was try and help Lorne restrain her. All the time his eyes never left hers.

"Doc! Get over here, I can't hold her down, she seizing!" Lorne yelled.

"Oh dear lord, what the hell happened! Jesus look at the state she's in, get me an amp of epi, and some adrenaline, quick." Just as the Scottish looked at Lorne, Mark realised that they were all expecting him to tell them what he knew.

"I don't know what it was, but that bastard injected her with something at the end, it made her seem out of it, loopy, I think she hallucinated too, he said in a panicked tone. He couldn't help but glance at Sheppard when he mentioned the hallucination.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla's glanced around the gateroom as soon as she had stepped through the gate, she quickly took in the large amounts of people waiting for her. It warmed her heart that so many people cared; Atlantis was as much her family as the Athosians were. She absently noticed that her people had dressed the gateroom for her arrival and was heartened that they had so much faith in her. She shivered as she thought about how close the fight actually was, how close she had come to losing everything, and live a life of humiliation.

Her body was screaming out in pain, all of her previous injuries from all 13 bouts that she had repressed were all being felt in full force now. The compound that Kalen had injected her with had broken down all her mental walls, making her vulnerable and more receptive than she usually allowed herself to be. She didn't care about the pain; the only thing she could focus on was finding John, making sure he hadn't gone off half-cocked, that he had waited, followed his duty. She saw him coming down the stairs, but as she tried to take a step towards Sheppard, she felt her body give out, unable to carry any more strain.

Then the shaking began, she didn't know what was happening or why, all she could do was feel waves of pain, thrashing through her, as if her body was revolting. She sensed John near her, and even through the powerful tremors she still recognised and revelled in his touch, even the debilitating pain seemed to diminish for a fraction. She thought she could her men talking maybe Carson, but it was too hard for her to find the energy to focus, as she slipped into unconsciousness.

**XOXOXO**

For the second time in a week, John Sheppard found himself entering the briefing room whilst Teyla lay unconscious in the infirmary. He didn't think there would ever be a time when he would prefer to be in a briefing than be at Teyla's bedside. But this briefing he wouldn't miss. He'd waited 72 agonising hours for this particular briefing. He'd contemplated having the briefing take place in the infirmary, that way he'd still be close to Teyla, but Carson had nixed that idea fast.

Carson was also going to attend the briefing as soon as he could and had promised to let them know of any changes immediately. Cadman had volunteered to stay with Teyla, so she wouldn't be alone, whereas Anna had elected to come to the briefing; it seemed that irrespective of her young age, she had become the de-facto Athosian representative to the senior staff.

The briefing room was tense when John entered, he had been the last to arrive, having been with Teyla till Carson threw him out. "Beckett's gone into surgery, he said there was some internal bleeding that he needed to take care of, he'll keep us posted." John told the room upon entry, it didn't lessen the tension.

Sheppard's glacial eyes focussed on Lorne as he took his seat at the table, "Major, report." He knew he was being abrupt and unfair, but he was the only person that knew what had happened on that planet, what happened to Teyla, and he resented Mark Lorne for that.

The icy tone of his commander shook Lorne out of reverie, he had been staring at his hands they were red, still shone with Teyla's blood. Mark stood up, he needed to pace for this briefing, he got everyone's attention as he rose from his seat, the room was with filled with the senior staff, Drs Weir, Heightmeyer, McKay, and Zelenka, Col's Caldwell and Sheppard, Ronon and Anna.

"Teyla and I first gated to a neutral trading planet, called Dylea, where she told me that we would gate to another location, she said that she couldn't allow me to see the address we were gating to, and that I would need to be blindfolded, if I was to go any further. I agreed and the next thing I know we arrived on the world where the fight was due to take place."

"You agreed to being blindfolded?" Caldwell asked incredulously.

"It was the only way I was allowed onto Elarios-"

"You went to Elarios?" Anna exclaimed as Ronon choked on his water at the same time.

"You've been to the planet?" Weir asked, excited that there may be more information.

Anna blushed, "No, No. I could never, I would never even be allowed, Elarios is sacred, I've always thought it was a fairy tale. Major Lorne is lucky he was allowed entry even blindfolded. Many would kill for such an opportunity."

"What about you Ronon have you ever been to Elarios, I presume from your earlier reaction you've also heard of the planet." Weir asked the Satedean.

"Same as Anna, heard the stories, never been, never heard of anyone who's ever been there either." He answered.

"Well apparently Major Lorne has, so let's move on with the story." Sheppard interrupted eager to continue.

"Right sir, so we arrived on Elarios, and it's a beautiful planet, reminded me of Japan, anyway when we arrived there were lots of children waiting for us, to welcome us with flowers."

"Kids? There were kids on the planet where Teyla was supposed to engage in mortal combat!" This time it was McKay who interrupted.

"Elarios is rumoured to be a school, for the gifted." Ronon answered for Lorne.

"Ronon is right, from what I gathered there was less than 100 kids there, all aged around 4-18. Teyla knew some kids and was generally well known. I just stayed in the background and observed. I was then informed of the rules of engagement by Teyla."

"Rules of engagement?" Sheppard asked, finally getting to the part in which he was most interested.

"Yes sir, it wasn't actually one fight to the death like we had presumed. From what I understood, because both Teyla and Kalen-" he said the latter's name with scorn and disgust. "were both leaders of their people, the contest was actually 13 separate bouts over 3 days, there was no time limit, unlimited weapons and choice of weapons, each fighter was allowed up to 3 timeouts total, other than that there were no other rules I could make out. The match could be ended at any time by killing your opponent, if both contestants are still able to fight after the 12th bout, then the 13th continues until only one member is left."

"How many bouts did Teyla have to fight?" Ronon asked.

"All 13, they could have any weapon they desired, there was some pretty advanced technology there Colonel. When I asked why she didn't just shoot the bastard with a P90, she told me that wasn't they way they did things. Anyway the fights were brutal, I have never seen anything like it, unfortunately they were both evenly matched. I didn't think anyone could be as good as Teyla, but he was. It didn't what weapons they used, knives, swords, sticks, spears, maces, even lashes."

"Lashes?" Elizabeth asked shocked.

"Yes ma'am, Kalen seemed to enjoy using the lash the most. Her back was completely shredded by the end of the first day, but somehow she still fought. They were both vicious, Teyla won the 5th bout by pouring acid on Kalen's torso, damn near burnt it off."

"How the hell did she survive 3 days of that?" Caldwell asked the room and Lorne in particular.

"It got worse, sir."

"How could it get worse?" Zelenka asked for the first time since the briefing began.

"By the 13th bout, Teyla was about to drop, but somehow she found the strength to continue, but Kalen had other ideas. The son of a bitch injected her with some sort of drug or compound, right in the middle of the fight, for everyone to see."

"And nobody did anything?" Weir exclaimed in anger.

Lorne gave a slight sneer, "The quorum and I were told that Kalen had not broken any of the rules, therefore nothing could be done, however distasteful they found his methods. You've got to understand, by this point everyone wanted to kill the bastard, even the four year olds. But they were bound by their traditions."

"And you?" John asked before he could stop himself.

"I was bound by guards, sir" Lorne had been silently debating how much information he should reveal, with what happened next. He did not want to tell Anna or Dr's Weir and Heightmeyer what nearly happened to Teyla, what he had nearly witnessed. Hell he didn't want to remember what he was forced to watch let alone repeat it Sheppard and Ronon, the deadliest men he knew, and the most protective of Teyla. He was sure McKay could come up with some vindictive revenge.

Mark couldn't help but tense as he glossed over the next part, hoping no one would notice. "Well then somehow Teyla found a burst of energy, and slashed the bastard's throat, and won the match. Then we came home." Unfortunately it was Kate Heightmeyer's job to notice.

"Teyla managed to fight the drug and find a burst of strength to slash Kalen's throat. How did she get so close, without him stopping her?" Kate and Elizabeth had already spoken about her role in the briefing, it was specific, she was to pick up on the emotional tells of Lorne and the others as well as pick up any missed leads. Even then she was ready for the reaction she got from Mark Lorne as she asked her first question. He blanched, his face was frozen, in fear and anxiety, and she knew this was what he was avoiding, what he didn't want to tell. But they needed all the information, so she got up and approached the shell shocked major. She softened her tone and reached out to him.

"It's okay Mark; tell us what happened after Teyla got drugged."

Mark found it easier to answer if he just focussed on the blonde doctor; it was a lot easier if he didn't have to see Sheppard's face. Not whilst he retold this part.

The drug seemed to affect Teyla immediately, she was off, like she had lost her balance, like she couldn't control herself. She was trying to stay focussed but her attention kept wavering, it was like she was there one minute then somewhere else the next, I think she was dreaming or hallucinating at the same time. Kalen started to get really abusive, screaming about what he would do to her, what her life would be like, then he shoved her on the ground, and she just fell. Just like that, it was like she wasn't there, wasn't aware of what that bastard was saying, what he was doing."

Mark couldn't continue, he'd thought that Sheppard had been icy earlier, but his tone and demeanour had gone artic since then. "What he was _doing?_" he asked unforgiving.

"At this point he began to physically assault Teyla…" Mark said hesitantly.

"And you let him!" Ronon and Rodney roared at the same time their expressions filled with fury and disgust respectively.

"Continue" the single word had never inspired fear like this before, but the entire room was plunged into icy terror, with Sheppard's single remark. Whereas Ronon and Rodney burned in fury, their anger was scorching. But Sheppard's fury was in his tone, demeanour, in his eyes. He had turned deadly in seconds.

"I was attempting to get to Teyla when I was detained by the guards, I knew they wanted to kill the bastard too, don't forget these were Teyla's friends, peers, we all had to witness what that sick bastard was doing to her when all of sudden, in the middle of him forcibly kissing Teyla, she somehow managed to slash his throat with the dagger that had been in her hand. That was it; he bled to death on top of her.

After that she slipped in unconsciousness, and dreamed or hallucinated a little. Some of the elders came and woke her up with smelling salts, and then she asked how long until we were due back, at that point we had 20 minutes until the deadline was over. The school arranged for some sort of carriage, and we travelled to the gate and I dialled home." Mark was grateful that he had finally come to the end of the report.

"So Teyla wasn't…" Elizabeth trailed off, unable to finish the question, but making her meaning clear.

"No ma'am, she was not." Mark's words allowed for a sigh of relief. From everyone except Sheppard, he still stood frozen like a statue, his anger was radiating from in freezing waves, his fists were clenched, and it took everything in him not to hit Lorne, for standing there whilst Teyla had almost been raped. He knew it wasn't fair, but he couldn't help but think that in the same position he would have killed the bastard and damned the consequences.

Then Colonel John Sheppard had an epiphany so acute that it was like a sucker punch to the gut, _that was why she chose Lorne, because she knew that I would get involved, that there was no way I would be able to stand by and watch her get hurt. It just wasn't in him. It was probably why she didn't pick Ronon either. _

The anger and rage that came from his epiphany was so encompassing and so frustrating that Sheppard had to hit something, he was about to knock Lorne out for being their, for being Teyla's choice, for being strong enough to follow her choices, but at the last minute he changed his mind. Teyla would be angry, so he punched a hole in the glass panel in the door.

Just as everybody reacted to John punching the defenceless door, they all froze when a tired yet tinny Scottish voice came over their radios.

"Beckett to briefing room, just to let you all know, I've finished the surgery, and I managed to stop the bleeding but there were some complications-"

The Scottish doctor didn't even get the chance to finish his prognosis when at the word complications, John ran from the briefing room to the infirmary whilst radioing Beckett to let him know he was on his way.

"Carson, what kind of complications?" Elizabeth her voice unsure if she even wanted the answer.

"You should really see for yourself Elizabeth"

Carson was again cut off, this time by the sound of a woman's screams. The shrieks transmitted over the radio, and everyone in the briefing room recognised Teyla's terrified and agonising screams.

**XOXOXO**

**AN: I've already written half of chapter 6, Yey me! So not too long...hopefully.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Inara**


	6. Tarteris Or Elysium

**Due to the amount of reviews I got regarding the cliff-hanger ending of the previous chapter I am including a SERIOUS CLIFFY WARNING! If you really don't like cliff hangers then I would recommend waiting until chapter 7 is posted then reading chapter's 6 and 7 together. Honestly you thought the last ending was "evil?" This one _could be_ construed as worse. You have been warned.**

**On with chapter 6… **

**Chapter Six: Tarteris or Elysium.**

Carson Beckett was trying to restrain Teyla, as her body arched and shook on the bed. He had already administered three times the safe dosage of his sedatives and was at a loss of what to do. She had come out of surgery still critical but stable, but as soon as her mind had fallen into deep REM state her body began seizing again. He thought witnessing one of his closest friends in pain was difficult. It wasn't until Teyla screamed a bone chilling shriek that he truly experienced terror.

The sheer agony that was being projected from her petite frame was astounding, and not for the first time since they arrived in Atlantis did Carson Beckett experience helplessness. His guilt trip was cut short with the dramatic entrance of John Sheppard, who came crashing into the infirmary.

John came to an abrupt halt; he had heard Teyla's heart wrenching screams not only over the radio but on his dash through the city. It scared him beyond belief, she sounded like she was in unbearable pain. Even hearing her torture filled screams didn't prepare him for witnessing the scene in the infirmary, Cadman, Beckett and three nurses were unsuccessfully attempting to restrain Teyla without causing her further harm.

It was only as Teyla knocked a nurse to the ground that John was shocked in to action. He quickly moved to Teyla's side and held on to her arm. The reaction was immediate; Teyla's body began to calm down. It was only as John mated his forehead to Teyla's in her traditional greeting that her screams ceased and her breathing eased.

Dr Carson Beckett MD had witnessed countless phenomenons during his tenure in the Pegasus Galaxy. But watching John calm Teyla through what he could only describe as a seizure, with nothing but his presence was one of the few he could term miraculous.

He wasn't really surprised that he could see a physical manifestation of the emotional connection between two of his best friends. Then again Teyla was one of the most intuitive people he had ever met. So the connection may very well be tangible, it was food for thought. Minutes passed and Carson began to feel like a voyeur, like he was intruding on an extremely private and intimate moment.

**XOXOXO**

John was relief was palpable when Teyla began to calm down, and settle to his touch. He began to withdraw from Teyla as he noticed Caldwell, Weir and the others entered the infirmary. John's brow furrowed as Teyla began to squirm. In fact his brow deepened as he began to realise that her distress seemed to increase the further away he got. He just managed to hide the tremor in his voice as he turned to Doc, afraid to move even further away.

"Doc?"

"Yeah John, I noticed. Take a step away from her." Carson replied.

"You sure Doc?"

"We need to know for sure." Carson attempted to reassure the unsure Colonel.

The effect was immediate, once John has retreated from Teyla, the Athosian's back arched and she let lose a blood curdling scream. John didn't even look at Carson nor did he wait for any instructions, he instinctively moved back to Teyla and reinitiated contact. His sigh of relief was evident and mirrored the room at large.

As John's hand gently brushed hair back from Teyla's face his attention was drawn to her neck. She was wearing a necklace he had never seen before. Not that he made a habit of noticing jewellery but ever since the debacle with her old necklace he couldn't help but notice.

The necklace was an amalgamation of metals, varying from brassy colours to a rich gold. The focal point of the piece was the pendant. It was size of his thumbnail, but it wasn't the size of the pendant that drew his attention, it was the colour. It was the deepest red he had ever seen. His hand reached for the pendant as if drawn to it, it felt familiar, the stone warmed as he held it in the palm of his hand. The heat felt internal, strong and steady but not painful.

"Carson, how come you haven't removed her necklace...?"

"We tried but we couldn't remove it, in the end I decided to leave it on."

John went to unclasp and remove the necklace, but he couldn't find the clasp. The metals were twisted in an elaborate design. The more he attempted to remove the necklace, the more pain Teyla seemed to experience. In the end like Carson he gave too up, and decided to make himself comfortable as he settled in to wait. At least this time he'd get to see her whilst he waited, that was infinitely better than before.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla was burning; all she could comprehend was pain and terror, she didn't know that her internal screams were actually extremely vocal and that she was broadcasting her pain verbally. She knew that the experience was supposed to test her, but never in her wildest dreams did she expect this level and depth of unadulterated terror and agony.

She futilely attempted to raise her mental barriers to try and dull the onslaught of pain she experienced but the compound Kalen had injected her with was still rampaging through her system and as a result she all her barriers had been removed. Teyla's empathetic and telepathic channels had been burned open, and she couldn't control the sheer volume of sensory overload.

In fact her body was shutting down, and breaking apart simultaneously, and just when she thought she could endure no more, there was blessed relief, and as the pain began to abate, she finally sensed something other than her pain. Worry, fear, trepidation, anger, fear, lust and love, emotions she hadn't felt in what seemed a lifetime. The strongest and most prevalent emotion was love, deep, unwavering, unquestionable and unmistakeable love…John's love.

She could have wept in relief as John's presence chased away the pain, but just as she had acknowledged John's presence, she had lost it, and once again she drowned in pain.

This time she could only assume John realised his presence brought her relief, and he returned to her side. As Teyla's exhausted mind finally experienced relief, she slipped back in to another world. Where her heart desired to be, the life she wanted to live, the future she would most likely never experience.

She was with John and her children.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla was rudely awakened from her comfortable sleep; her warm cocoon was invaded and stolen by two intruders. She tried to ignore the interruption and snuggle back into the warm embrace of her bed. But this time the intruders chose an all out attack.

"Mama WAKE UP!"

Teyla groaned as her children jumped on her bed ruining all possibility of getting back to sleep.

"Aargh!" Teyla let out an unearthly screech as her angelic children decided the best way to ensure their mother was awake was by throwing water on her…cold water. Something they had no doubt picked up from their father.

The children let out hysterical gales of laughter, and ran away to the safety of their father's presence.

"Daddy made us do it!" She heard her son exclaim as he ran out the room with his baby sister close behind.

"Hey!" John Sheppard exclaimed in affront. His tone was however in direct contrast with his demeanour, he was leaning against the doorframe, his eyes twinkling in merriment as he watched his kids rouse their mother. Everyday he saw more of himself and Teyla in their actions; frighteningly he also saw snippets of Rodney and Ronon too. He really needed to be careful about his choice babysitters. Unfortunately the list of people he'd entrust the welfare of his children too was incredibly short.

"He's lying, it's an awful habit he's picked up, I blame Elizabeth she's a bad influence." John attempted to dig his way out of the hole his kids had landed him into.

Teyla merely raised an eyebrow in amusement, as she attempted to ring the water out of her hair. "Oh I know exactly where _your _son inherited his bad habits."

John gulped, time for plan B, he sidled up his deliciously drenched wife, and whispered "you know since you're already wet, I could help you wash your back, and front, and everywhere else." He pressed a soft kiss on her neck as she leaned back in to him.

"Hmm tempting but what about the kids…"

"They're our kids Teyla, they can handle themselves for 30 minutes" he tried to cajole her with another teasing kiss, this time his hands began their gentle persuasion.

"But…" Teyla lost track of her argument as John began to do sinful things to her body.

"Forget the kids Teyla…" were the last words Teyla heard before John took her mouth in a mind numbing kiss.

Teyla's contentment was brought to an abrupt halt for the second time that morning as their passionate kiss was interrupted by shouts of "Daaaad hurry up were gonna miss the jumper!"

Teyla met the disappointed eyes of her very frustrated husband and chuckled, "I think you are the one in a greater need of a shower, John. Go on I'll take the kids to breakfast, you can meet us in the jumper bay." She pushed the reluctant man towards the bathroom with a chuckle.

John just groaned and followed her directions, sometimes he wondered if his kids inherited their sense of timing from the wraith. He turned as Teyla called back to him.

"Oh, and John, I'd recommend a cold shower!" She teased as she held out a towel for him to take, however instead of taking the towel John used the towel to pull her towards him, and into another knee trembling kiss.

"I've got a better idea, why don't you drop the kids off in the mess, Ronon will be there and can watch the kids and then you can come and help me with my shower?" He punctuated his request with butterfly kisses on her shoulders and neck.

"Oh-okay" Teyla wasn't even embarrassed at giving in so easily, her husband knew exactly what buttons to press, exactly where to kiss.

They were interrupted a second time by their son, "Daaaad come on already…"

**XOXOXO**

John watched closely as Teyla mumbled in her sleep, his worried eased as she was wearing the smallest of smiles, wherever she was, at least she was happy.

Her hand was so small in his, it belied the strength he knew lay within in them. They were a contradiction, just like her, soft and graceful yet calloused and honed through hard work. He just sat there softly stroking her hand, hoping that their connection was tangible enough for her to find her way home.

Carson had explained that the best he and Kate could come up with was that the drug Teyla had been injected with trapped her within her mind, and the seizures were her body having an allergic reaction to the compound. Carson recommended that all they could do was wait, either until the drug cleared her system or she fought her way back.

What John hadn't shared with the others was his main concern; he wasn't worried that Teyla was trapped in a nightmare like the others did. No his fear was that she was exactly where she wanted to be, a prefect world, free from wraith, free from constraints and most of free from duty.

He knew better than most the allure of dreams, sometimes they were harder to fight than the worst nightmare.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla looked around the table at her family, Elizabeth, Ronon, Rodney, Laura, Carson and Kate were all there. Along with herself John and the kids, they all made an effort to have at least one family meal all together once a week.

Teyla was surrounded by loved ones; today's dinner was a boisterous affair, as it was also her son's 5th birthday. As a treat John took the children up in a jumper for a ride even letting him pilot for a few miles.

The birthday wasn't the only celebration; both Laura and Kate were pregnant just 3 weeks apart, Rodney and Carson were terrified but entertaining to watch as the due dates got closer. Baby Cassandra was in her high chair between her parents as her bright eyes watched the table with interest; she was surprisingly calm for an 18 month old toddler. Her calm nature was inherited from her mother as was her sharp blue eyes, her dark hair could have come from either parents but her smile and complexion came from her father.

Teyla had always thought that Cassandra looked like her own daughter; they could have been mistaken for sisters. Teyla's smile grew as she watched her son regal their family with tales from his day. She knew he would fall in love with flying as his father did, that came as no surprise. It was actually her daughter that surprised her the most.

Katana Isabelle Sheppard was a curious child, whereas her brother had inherited characteristics easily associated with his parents. Katana was an amalgamation of her surroundings; she had the entire city and main land enchanted. She could be as calm as her Aunt Elizabeth, or as serene as Aunt Kate. She was as loyal as Uncle Ronon and as smart as Uncle Rodney. She could be as kind as her Uncle Carson, but she could throw a tantrum like no other.

The pleasant dinner was brought to an abrupt halt when Katana boldly announced to the table, with all the poise of a reigning queen that when she was older she was going to be a pilot like her Papa.

The conversation around the table stopped.

"You want to be a what?" Rodney exclaimed. Katana had always been precocious but even this was a bit too much for her.

"I'm gonna be a pi-lot, like daddy." Katana even slowed her words down like she was the adult and Rodney the child.

John was beaming; he had never felt so much pride before. His daughter's innocence and enthusiasm was unmistakable.

"I thought Alex wanted to be a pilot?" Elizabeth asked confused.

"Nah, I'm gonna be a head-shrink like Aunt Kate, so I can mess with people's heads!"

Alex's statement was met with incredulous stares, John choked on his drink as his son announced his future plans, he risked a glance at Kate-yep she looked pissed.

"_Head-shrink_, Alex honey where did you hear that? You know that I'm doctor like Uncle Carson." Kate tried to correct the five year old.

"But not a proper Doctor, Daddy says so, he says your job is just to mess with minds, I want to do that, sounds like fun!"

John shrank in his chair as the petite blonde and heavily pregnant psychologist glared at him from across the table. They both frowned as the adults around the table laughed at the situation.

Teyla laughed with her friends at the expression on her husband's face. When all of a sudden the scene changed around her dramatically. The dining table in her Atlantis home turned into the Queen's table on a hive ship. The next thing she knew she was paralysed and unable to move. Her earlier laughter had turned into gut-wrenching screams as one by one she watched her family being devoured by the wraith.

She tried to close her eyes as John screamed in agony whilst the wraith slowly fed off him. But she couldn't and in the end her eyes never left his as she watched his body age until only a dried husk remained. Teyla sobbed with immense grief and rage. Her heart stopped completely however as the wraith queen made her way over to her children.

'_Oh ancestors, no. Not Alex and Katana, not her children.'_

She began fighting in earnest, with her mind and body she screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

**XOXOXO**

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"_

John woke to screaming, so loud, so sharp it felt like his eardrums had burst. It took him a minute to recognise Teyla's voice. Never had he heard such unadulterated terror. She was screaming and fighting physically, she had already ripped her IV off and her arm was bleeding profusely. There was so much red that on the white sheets that John had missed the blood red glow emanating from the jewel at the centre of Teyla's necklace.

Carson and his nurses ran in trying to help him hold her down. He yelled for Ronon over his radio, knowing that the Satedean would not be far, he was right Ronon was there within minutes. It was then that he realised that what had actually awoken him was Teyla's psychic scream.

His ears were ringing, not only from Teyla's piercing screams, but from the cacophony of medical machines. He just wished they'd just stop, he wanted some peace.

John decided that the universe was perverse, he had wished for hundreds of things since Teyla left through the gate, it was morbidly poetic that the gods granted this wish.

The fast and erratic beeping of the machines suddenly decreased and then horrifically stopped…

…Teyla's heart had stopped...

…FLATLINE.

**XOXOXO**

**_Author's Note: thank you for the massive response to the last chapter, I have never had such a positive and fast response to a chapter before, the majority of you all reviewed with 30 hours of me posting. It really made my 10 hour shift at work bearable. So from the bottom of my heart thank you, obviously you have all realised the secret to ensuring speedy updates from myself, reviews guilt for not updating, therefore I write faster._**

_**Here are a few personal thank you and replies:**_

_**Wella: Thank you, I am always intrigued in reactions, so I tend to switch perspectives quite often. This chapter was pretty much J/T and a bit of Carson. Hope you liked.**_

_**Jtjaforever: I honestly didn't realise it was that bad of a cliffy, sorry. No excuses for this one, I knew exactly how I wanted this chapter to end. Hope you don't hate me, plus you can't kill me until I post the update…right?**_

_**Naomi: Thanks for the lovely review, hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much, let me know.**_

_**Harleyzgirl: You so hit the nail on the head, I completely agree that sometimes retelling bad news is harder than witnessing it, especially after the fact. Bearing in mind John, Rodney and Ronon are all actually control freaks, hearing about what Teyla went through without them was torture. Glad you picked up on that. I find it hilarious that you feel sorry for Lorne, I was just re-watching Runner and he is so funny in it, with McKay. I'm toying with a having a minor sub-plot looking at how Lorne is dealing with everything, as all he did was agree to escort Teyla and know he has to deal with the fall out. Who knows?**_

_**Wedjatgi: Here's more, hope you like? Let me know.**_

_**Jodi: Here's your update, thanks for being such a regular reviewer, I love reading your remarks, let me know what you thought about chapter 6.**_

_**Loveconquers: Wow almost speechless! But thankfully not quite. Your review actually spurred me to complete the chapter. So here you are, ps: sorry about the even more evil cliffy.**_

_**Cpt. Ritter: Thanks for making time, here's exactly what you asked for. Let me know your thoughts I am always intrigued about your opinion.**_

_**ArmyGirl96: Thanks for the amazing comments, I totally blushed. I'm glad you like my characterisations of Rodney, Ronon and John. Let me know what you thought of Teyla in chapter 6.**_

_**Ayrstar: Oh I think you're going to kill me…I know I have no excuses for this cliffy, but you can't kill me before I write the update, right? (lol) sorry really couldn't avoid the cliffy, you are partially right about the side effect of the drug, but there is more involved than Kalen's drug, but its definitely not helping matters.**_

_**Jedlee07: Wow, thanks for the awesome comments, just to warn you there is definite angst to come, especially between John and Teyla. Thanks for your continued support.**_

_**Noro: Teyla is most definitely NOT alright, angst to come but hopefully this chapter's fluff helps people deal.**_

_**Ripsconscull: I know I already PM'd an extra long reply, but thanks again for staying with the story. Here's some definite whumpage for you, fantasy and real, here's a hint for the future, emotional whumpage to come.**_

_**Cieleto: Too dark, sorry, this chapter had its moments too. But there was also fluff-well before I turned it into angst. (my bad). Keep with it, I'm going to try for some balance but who knows I just follow my dictartorial muse. Thanks for reviewing.**_

_**Halcyon Implusion: Yep it was a cliffy, but I honestly didn't start out to write it that way, it just happened, no such excuse for chapter 6, it had to end here...sorry. But at least I warned you all this time and remember you can't kill the author until AFTER she's written the conclusion to a cliffhanger. Thanks for your kind words on Duty and Broken.**_

**Thanks for reading,**

**Inara.**


	7. Apollo's Bete Noire

**Author's note: **Here ye! Here ye! My laptop has been fixed! Praise to whatever computer god that blessed, although on a totallly unrelated note my computer at work keeps breaking, like at least once a day! I'm seriously cursed, computers break around me. Anyway not only has my laptop been rebuilt, but so has my broadband. Which also broke since I last updated (are we seeing a trend here people.) So I am now back on track, I've also booked time off work, so touch wood I should be able to write a hell of a lot more.

I've seen the first six episodes of season 3, did anyone else notice the major lack of SHEYLA? Actually there was total lack of TEYLA in it. Other than Sateda which had the funniest lines, and you could see elements of Rachel Luttrell in Teyla. But other than that one episode there was nothing. I'm shocked.

Now about chapter 7, it's mostly exposition, but it was necessary to get the plot moving and to answer some questions. So please bear with me. I know I kind of hinted towards alternative pairings in Teyla's dreamworld Rodney/Laura, Carson/Kate etc, this chapter also _hints _towards non-canon pairings, but I do believe there is tension written into the interaction between the two characters so I'm just developing it, slightly. Sorry if people dislike the pairing but I liked the parallel's, so thats how it played out.

Here's chapter seven, thanks and review comments at the end as usual.

Enjoy, (also FYI: _Bete Noire_ is french for nightmare)

Inara:)

**Chapter Seven: Apollo's Bete Noire**

John Sheppard was well aware of his limitations as a man. He knew his strengths as well as the weaker elements to his character. He understood why he was instinctively drawn to Teyla; it was not only her considerable physical attributes, although he had a healthy respect and admiration for her body. John knew that he and Teyla balanced each other. She was the earth to his air, but differences aside, at their core he knew they were the same, with the same hopes, dreams and more importantly the same fears.

John Sheppard's biggest fear was not the wraith or the Genii, or any of their many enemies. It wasn't Atlantis being attacked and overtaken, Earth's destruction, or even the loss of friends and family. Those were all his fears but they all stemmed from his primary fear. _Being out of control, _it was part of what made him such a good pilot, as long as he could do something he was okay, as long as he could fight John Sheppard was in control.

He knew that Teyla also heavily relied on control, her words, actions and desires were always under her tight rein. That was what made her so dangerous. She had been fighting the wraith subconsciously all her life, so it was almost impossible for her to actively relinquish control. As Teyla's heartbeat ceased John cursed their synchronicity, his loss of control was perfectly illustrated at his impotency in helping Teyla.

He honestly believed his own heart had stopped as he watched Carson and his team attempt to revive Teyla with the D-fib. His fearful observation was cut short with a radio communiqué.

**XOXOXO**

"Gate room to Dr Weir and Col Sheppard, we have an 'Orlin' requesting to come through the gate he says he can help Teyla sir?"

Teyla's name brought him out of reverie, "Orlin?" John queried over the radio? He knew that name, the reason for his first biggest fight with Teyla.

"John, who is Orlin?"

"There's no time for explanations. I'll vouch for him, if he can help, get him through, have Lorne escort him to the infirmary, Teyla's heart stopped…" John couldn't say anything further.

Elizabeth froze, "Done, lower the shield Chuck, I'm on my way, Major Lorne?"

"I heard ma'am, meet you there." Mark's voice also sounded slightly gruff.

"Got a rhythm! Weak pulse, thready but getting stronger…she's back Doc." A nurse yelled bringing all radio conversation to a halt.

"Oh Thank God." The Scotsman sighed in relief.

John met Ronan's relieved gaze, they had a mutual understanding, this needed to end soon, and the inactivity was killing the two warriors.

**XOXOXO**

John turned at the activity at the entrance to the infirmary, but he didn't move, he refused to give up his guard post, neither did Ronan, although the Satedean did stiffen at the entry of Orlin, a stranger.

"Good to see you again Orlin, how've you been?" John's words were warm but his tone was arctic.

"Sheppard, I believe it is Colonel now, congratulations." Orlin replied his words just as kind; he ignored the other man's tone.

Unsurprisingly it was Rodney who interrupted the pleasantries, "Enough with the hello's, who the hell are you? And how do you know Teyla, or us even, and more importantly can you help her…" Rodney trailed of his passionate speech drawing to an end.

"I thought that their maybe a chance that Teyla would need-" Orlin began.

"How did you know Teyla was in trouble, we haven't exactly advertised it?" Elizabeth asked.

"He was on the planet ma'am, he was the elder who escorted Teyla and I back to the gate." Lorne provided helpfully.

John took a furious step towards Orlin "You sorry son of a…after everything we did for you, after what Teyla was prepared to do for you, you watched as that bastard…" Sheppard's tirade was brought to a halt as Teyla moaned on pain. John immediately stepped back towards the Athosian; he had momentarily forgotten that she required his presence to stay relatively calm.

"Okay enough of this, you said you could help, so help, cause I cannae do anything else, what was she injected with, do have the compound?" Carson asked his body projecting his frustration and exhaustion.

"It is not only the compound, that is the problem, I'm afraid that it has complicated matters greatly, Kalen's actions have caused great complications, no doubt he was aware of the consequences. I understand you are aware of Teyla's gift" he continued at their agreement.

"The main element of her abilities requires her mind to be open to others, but most people cannot handle the strain of the volume of information and emotions they feel, so they either build up mental barriers to block the majority of what they sense, or they go insane. Teyla's gift is the strongest we have encountered for centuries, she has trained since birth to control her mind and her gift's, it was the hardest lesson she endured." Throughout his speech Orlin's eyes fell on the Atlantean party, finally settling on John.

"The compound Teyla was injected with has destroyed all of Teyla's barriers, making her susceptible to external suggestions which was no doubt Kalen's intention." He broke of suddenly as if he was unable to comprehend the man's actions.

"You said the compound was only part of the problem?" Ronan brought the elder back on point. "What else is affecting her?"

"That would be the council, I'm afraid it could not be helped…it was…it is a trial, a test. That she must pass, she will undergo more pain in the next 24 hours than her entire life, and if she has the strength, stamina and will to endure, then she will pass, the alternative is death, either way she will be free in a day."

Orlin's word's brought everyone out their stupor.

"What! How can you say that?"

"How can you?"

"What did you do?"

The questions all merged, it didn't matter none of it mattered, Orlin concentrated on Sheppard, he was the danger the rest were inconsequential.

"Did she know? What you were going to do, have done? Did she know how you betrayed her, her own family?" John's words were filled indignation on Teyla's behalf; he was so beyond fury he didn't know what he felt.

"Teyla knew; she always knew it would come to this, Kalen has complicated matters however, and that is inexcusable."

"What-did-you-do?" the words were clipped.

"She is being tested" seeing that the answer was unsatisfactory he continued. "She is living her fantasy."

"Well that doesn't sound too bad." Rodney stated, he sounded slightly relieved, fantasies that didn't sound painful.

John paled, it was what he feared, "and you want her to choose between her uninhibited dreams, a world without the wraith and this nightmare we call reality, why would she want to come back to this, to us?"

Rodney froze as he understood the predicament his friend was facing.

Orlin gave a disbelieving snort, as if they had missed the point altogether. "She will experience her dream, a happy home, parents, children, sunshine and peace. And then as her heart finally begins to accept what her mind is showing her, one by one it will all be stripped away, until she is left with nothing…and then, then she will have to fight, with absolutely nothing left she will have to fight for everything she can't remember. It is a rite of passage, and one she must endure if she is to lead."

The entire room paled, "You sound familiar with the process" Caldwell interrupted the silence.

Again Orlin gave a bitter laugh, "As I said, it is a right of passage, all on the council have undergone the trials." As he answered Caldwell he removed a pendant from underneath his robes. It was a startling combination of amber and gold. The resemblance was striking; John recognised it immediately he had tried to remove an identical necklace from Teyla's neck only a few hours earlier. The only difference between the two was the colours; Teyla's was a deep blood red.

"How many are on the council?" Carson asked almost fearfully.

That bitter laugh made a return; John was beginning to hate it, because it mirrored his own internal voice. His gaze narrowed as Orlin replied "wrong question doctor, what you want to ask is-"

"How many survived?" John cut in, knowing that this question was more pertinent.

"One in twenty-" Orlin answered.

"Died, right. One in twenty died, so Teyla has a 19/20 chance to survive, right. That's not too bad, Teyla's a fighter." Rodney was so almost pleading.

"One in twenty have survived Dr McKay. And that was without the interference of the compound. I fear Teyla's trial will be beyond even what we on the council have experienced..."

"You said you could help…" Mark Lorne reminded the elder.

"Can you end it?" Elizabeth asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately only death can end the trial prematurely, but someone can enter the trial and guide her back. But that would involve someone undergoing the test themselves, and face death and worse. It is not an act to be undertaken lightly, and even if they pass their life will be altered irrecoverably, they would become a council elder and all the wisdom that position possesses. The process is far more painful than death by the wraith, and they would carry the effects for a lifetime maybe longer."

As soon as Orlin had finished his warning filled speech, Ronan, Lorne and surprisingly Rodney jumped in "I'll do it."

Orlin's face had a proud smile for the first time since he arrived on Atlantis. "I know you all would, and Teyla Emmagen of Athos is lucky to have such loyal friends. However you are all needed in this war as you are, the risk is too great, the council has decreed it so. Ronan you are proud son of Sateda, the council is well aware of your exploits and your place in this battle was set years ago, this particular battle is not yours, _fidelity, strength and honour;_ stay true warrior you will be needed else where." The entire room shivered at the premonition, Orlin's voice had deepened and his eyes were tinged with gold.

Ronan nodded, he was disappointed but he knew this was never his fight.

"Major Mark Lorne, you are new to this galaxy and this fight, but you're quiet wisdom has brought you to our notice, your presence is required on Atlantis, that is your place. Like the warrior of Sateda this battle is not yours." Mark had no choice but to acquiesce like Ronan he could not disagree with the elder.

Orlin then moved to Rodney, "Dr McKay, your desire to help Teyla is honest and pure. But like Teyla, your destiny is far greater. Your intellect and wisdom are our greatest strengths in this war against, and therefore must be protected and passed on. The risk is too great; the council has deemed it so…it is not your battle."

"So whose battle is it?" Rodney asked unnerved at the elder's speech.

"Mine." John didn't need to say anything further. Orlin took a small package from his belt pouch. He unearthed a similar pendant to his own, except this time it was a brilliant azure sapphire, the colour of the sky, and the oceans surrounding Atlantis. The necklace looked like it had been made for John.

John felt another strong sense of déjà vu, almost like when he came across Teyla on the balcony last week, the necklace was his, and he knew it instinctively, like his gun was his, like his room was his, like Teyla was his. It didn't matter _who_ he was, or _where_ he was. The necklace was his, it made no sense but John _knew it._ The stone burned as it met the flesh of his hand. It felt right, familiar.

"John…" Elizabeth broke off, she could order him not to do it, that the risk was too great, that Teyla wouldn't want him to put himself in such danger, but she broke off, the look in her second in command's eyes was enough. If Teyla died, John wouldn't want to live sometimes life was about risk and sometimes you had to rely on faith to get you by.

Elizabeth just nodded and said "Come home safe, both of you." John nodded that he understood, and lay next to Teyla on the bed, knowing instinctively what he was supposed to do, he put the necklace on and intertwined his hand with Teyla's as he sunk in to a deep state of sleep. Teyla's body naturally moved to make room for him and within seconds they were so entwined that you couldn't tell where he began and she ended if it wasn't for the contrast in their tones but it only seemed to empathise the duo.

**XOXOXO**

Elizabeth moved to stand beside John and Teyla's bed. Seeing Teyla, her friend in such pain and knowing that she was experiencing her worst nightmares it was too much, she had to look away; her eyes met Ronan's. She was surprised at the depth in his eyes, he was usually so closed off, but he was finally expressing something to Elizabeth, something that was so familiar to Elizabeth that her heart ached.

He was frustrated, angry and hurt at his own inaction at having to wait and rely on faith that his friend's could find themselves back to us. They were emotions she was intimately familiar with, it was what she felt, each time they went through the gate and she was left behind to wait alone. But this time she wasn't alone, and neither was he. She stepped back until his presence was directly beside her, she drew her strength from him, whilst projecting her own to him, it was comforting, to not feel alone.

**XOXOXO**

Ever since Ronan had joined the Atlantis expedition he had been battling his feelings, after seven years as a Runner, being isolated he had closed himself off. It was hard he wasn't always cold, it wasn't his natural state; he used to be happy, friendly, and carefree. But that was a lifetime ago, slowly he felt his defences' breakdown, first his team, Sheppard's trust, Teyla's empathy even McKay had given him a chance.

Now he remembered the downside to having friends, to having family, emotions hurt, they distracted they were dangerous. But unfortunately it was too late. The Atlantean's had become family, and family was important to a Satedean, _Fidelity, Strength and Honour. _The Satedean code, he would follow it to death and beyond, just as his vows demanded.

He watched as Dr Elizabeth Weir, watched over his team mates, the woman had intrigued him from the very beginning. Unlike his team whom he understood at first glance, Sheppard's bravery, McKay's intelligence, Teyla's honour all linked by their loyalty to one another. He was surprised to meet a group of people that reflected Sateda's oath and as a result he was drawn to them. But Elizabeth Weir was elusive, not his type, yet he was drawn to her. She was an enigma, her strength lay not in weapons but in words, he thought he hated diplomats and politicians, but she was different. Not weak but in need of protection, ballsy but breakable.

Seven years ago she wouldn't have caught his interest but now, after living a solitary existence, after seven years running from the wraith, running from his past had taught him what true strength was. Strength of mind, Ronan found it ironic that the two strongest will's he knew were women, leaders in their own right. He met her gaze and was startled at the duality within them fear with equal parts of faith. He was surprised at the level of comfort and familiarity he felt when stepped towards him and stood beside him, still facing the pair on the bed but close enough that he could feel her strength. He found it comforting.

He was surprised when she gasped and grabbed his hand in a strong grip that defied her willowy build. His surprise grew however as the necklaces on the John and Teyla shone with bursts of colour, John's azure burned brightly like a supernova and Teyla's blood red ruby flashed so brightly that they all had to blink, when they opened their eyes collectively they gasped. Teyla's pendant was no longer red, but a brilliant forest green.

What it meant they had no idea.

**XOXOXO**

**AN2: **Orlin is the guy from season 1: Letters from Pegasus. That Teyla wants Sheppard to stay behind for and he disagrees. It's the first big on screen fight between the two (the whole _"what do you want from me?" "too much I fear"_)

Thanks again to all the people who reviewed and added the story to various lists. This is also my first story to get 50+ reviews, totally a record for me.

**Thanks to:**

**LoveConquers: **Glad someone likes the cliffies, thanks for the awesome comments.

**Cpt Ritter: **The necklace was first mentioned in chapter 4 at the end of the fight, I tried to keep it subtle. Hope this chapter helps answer your questions.

**Wella: **Thanks for lovely words, I wanted to end the chapter with a dramatic finish, what better than flatline, kinda to the point. Sorry about the delay in posting as you could tell I lost my internet connection. But I'm back now, chapter 8 will be about J/T in the dreamscape. Let me know how you liked chapter 6.

**Jedlee07: **I so blushed at your kind words, thanks. This chapter has less heavy angst, more frustration and an inability to do anything. The exposition was necessary so I could move on and have everyone on the same page. Hope you like.

**Kym: **Sorry for the wait, here it is, enjoy.

**ArmyGirl96**: Thanks for the gorgeous comments, chapter 8 is definately for you, it will be all about J/T's dreams and nigtmares. This was just to get us there and answer any lingering questions.

**Ayrstar: **Thanks for catching the error, I did change the name at the 11th hour, I wanted something strong/powerful so chose Katana aka japanese sword. I just didn't amend one line so thank you for catching it, I've edited accordingly. You're right the necklace does play a role in the events, as this chapter showed, nicely caught.

**Jodi: **Necklace isn't coming off just yet, still got a lot of angst to come. So far we've only seen John and Teyla apart, believe me, now that they are together does NOT mean smooth sailing. Look forward to chapter 8.

**Jtjaforever: **Nice with the guilt trip and faith angle, how could I leave Teyla dead with words like yours, thanks for the kind words.

**NaomiM: **Got your wish hun, here's was everyone else's reaction, the next chapter however is all John and Teyla.

**Wedjatgi: **Glad you're liking the family, more to come. Can't promise it'll be fluffy though.

**NaomiO: **Thanks for the positive review.

**Camy: **Will they find their way to happiness...I hope so, will the journey be happy, definately NOT. Sorry but this chapter was the last soft chapter for a while, now John and Teyla have to actually confront each other's hopes, dreams and fears. They actually have to deal with their feelings for each other and not surpress them.

**Ripsconscullmin**: Don't worry there is always one who is 'fashionably late'. Well there was a little bit of Lorne in this chapter and you're right about the calm before the storm. Chapter 8, well lets just say angst ridden, epic angst, emotional explosions and minefields and all about John and Teyla. Hopefully it'll be intense...but with definate whumpage.

**Noro**: Here's chapter 7, the next should be up in a week or som let me know what you think.

**Thanks again to everyone, look out for chapter 8.**

**Inara.**


	8. Hades Domain

**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING WARNING:**

**This chapter is borderline M, it has scenes of an adult nature but I think its okay for over 15's. (SMUT) people the following chapter has lots of references to sex in it, it is mostly alluded to, and there are also elements of power play/non-con. ****It is all consensual, but bear in mind like 'Conversion' there may be other elements in play. So if that offends you, I wouldn't read, feel free to either PM me or email me and I can edit it for you. **

**Chapter Eight: Hades Domain**

John felt a constricting pain, almost like a heart attack, his chest felt like lightening had pierced it. Once the flash of pain had died down he opened his eyes and realised that he was in bed…with Teyla…naked.

She was draped over him, her head resting on his chest, her hand was resting on his hip, he couldn't see her face, he was futilely trying to regulate his breathing and get his body under control as his mind tried to figure out what was happening.

'…How did he get…why was he in a bed with Teyla?'

One minute he was trying to come to terms with his new environment the next he felt a soft smooth feminine calf run seductively up his leg.

'Okay this is definitely something new, and not helping with the whole control thing' he thought to himself.

Her hand was stroking his hip which in turn made his earlier attempts to control his body reactions pointless and the next thing he knew Teyla had tilted her head towards him and was kissed him with surprising ardour.

John didn't think, not even for a split second, he just reacted. The kiss was not gentle; it was invasive, emotional and powerful. He poured all of his frustration and anger from the last week at her into the kiss; with so much force that she wouldn't be able to forget, deny or rationalise away. She kissed back just as furiously and equally as strong and angry.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla didn't know what was happening, one minute she was begging the wraith queen not to kill her children, the next she felt an intense pain.

When she came to she realised that she was in bed with John, actually she was on top of him. Her relief was boundless, she was in near tears as she recalled the last time she saw him when she had been forced to watch as the wraith drained his life.

She knew this wasn't real, that it was a dream, this was her fantasy, so the rules that she ruthlessly followed in reality didn't apply here, she didn't have to be strong here, didn't have to hold back. So she began to show how grateful she was to have John with her again.

The kiss was meant to be passionate, and it started so. But as soon as he kissed back it became desperate, she was angry at what she was forced to watch. Angry that she felt so much for him that it made her weak, that he was her weakness. She pushed all her anger into the kiss; she felt savage pleasure as he moaned when she bit his lip, hard.

The following hour was an intense blur of pleasure and pain. Their connection radiated all their emotions, they couldn't hide anymore, not from each other and as a result they made both love and lust.

They went through periods where the sex was brutal, hard and fast but at times it was gentle and heartfelt, as well as deep and slow, maintaining their connection throughout.

**OXOXOX**

John didn't know what was harder to take passionate and fiery Teyla where she drew blood and marked him as her own or playful and gentle Teyla where each caress burned him. He wanted to spend a lifetime deciding.

Once they were both exhausted and spent, they just lay tangled in their bed, they didn't know how much time had passed or even cared it could have been years for all they knew.

John knew he should tell Teyla what was happening, about the test and his part in it, but first he wanted to bask in the afterglow. He had waited; no _they_ had waited so long for this moment that he needed to take a moment if not a lifetime to appreciate it.

"John…" Teyla's voice was low and husky from their bouts of excessive love making.

God her voice was sexy, John was aroused again just hearing his name in that deep timbre. "Yeah?"

"We should get up, or at least get dressed, I don't want Alex or-"

"Alex! Who the hell is Alex?" John's anger was instantaneous, just hearing her name another man while she was naked in bed with him brought out a possessiveness he could usually suppress.

Teyla froze, how could he not know who Alex was? This was her fantasy John, her husband, the father of her children, wasn't he?

"John I think you would remember Alex… our son."

"My what? Alex is my-_our_ son." John's heart soared, she dreamed of a family with him. In his introspection he missed Teyla's face show her comprehension, and her subsequent anger.

"You are not…" she gulped, '_oh ancestors _she had just bedded Colonel John Sheppard, not her dream John. How did he get there, in her mind?' She jumped out of the bed and began pacing in an attempt to work off the tension and fury that had descended upon her.

"How did you get here?" Teyla futilely hoped that distance would help maintain some semblance professional decorum.

John had been leisurely stroking Teyla's back when she suddenly stiffened and then jumped out of bed, and began pacing like a tigress. He decided to watch her pace, up and down the room, naked. It was beyond hot; she exuded sensual grace and power.

Teyla's eyes narrowed as she realised his focus was on her body as opposed to the pertinent question she had just posed. She then realised belatedly that being naked was not helping the situation.

She pulled the sheet off the bed in one powerful motion, and wrapped it round herself, hoping that it would at least get his attention back. She almost smiled at his audible groan of disappointment, but then she realised that she was still angry at his deception.

"Colonel!" her anger was palpable.

John froze as she used his rank, the same ball of fury rose in him again as she used his military rank, he knew what she was doing, what she was trying to do. He slid out of the bed and threw his boxers back on.

"Don't Teyla! Don't you dare Teyla, not after…" he couldn't help but look at the bed. His voice radiated his anger; he made no attempt at hiding it.

Teyla winced at the reminder of what had transpired. "It is the proper form of…"

"Bullshit, my name is John; come on you can say it; after all you were screaming it half an hour ago, when you were begging me to-"

SMACK

John's spiteful tirade was brought short by a hard slap.

John snapped as he wiped the blood from his cut lip, he was sick to death of restraining himself around Teyla. He grabbed her wrist and threw her hard against the wall, and kept her pinned there with his body.

She threw an icy glare back at him, as she attempted to move. But he was in the superior position and the sheet that she had wrapped around body for modesty earlier now made it impossible for her to move her legs.

"Let me go…_Colonel_" she used his rank like it was the foulest of insults.

His grip on her wrist tightened instinctively. His voice was low with unbridled wrath.

"_Say my name Teyla!_"

She just looked away.

A part of John was horrified at what he was saying, what he was doing, but for some reason he couldn't stop himself, he had no control it was frightingly similar to the time when was infected with the retrovirus.

He moved to hold both of her tiny wrists in one hand over her head, and used the lower part of his body to restrain hers, with his now free hand he grabbed her jaw tightly, and forced her to look at him.

"_Say it!" _He all but shouted. He didn't know why but for some reason he needed her to say his name, he needed to hear it.

Teyla's eyes narrowed in unrestrained anger at her new position, she moved closer to John, with mere centimetres separating their faces she replied.

"Lieutenant Colonel-" her tone was mocking.

John growled in fury, and kissed her hard. This time he bit her lip, the combination of both there blood made him heady. He could do this forever, he couldn't stop he was beyond addicted. His hand moved from her jaw, done her slender neck, to her collar bone. His lips followed the path his hand had set.

When he reached the sheet he effortlessly untied the cotton and carried on with his ministrations. His hand and lips worshipping every inch of skin they uncovered. He used his hips to push Teyla further up the wall and allowing him to access more of body, when he heard the most passionate moan from Teyla as his knee pushed against her inner thigh.

**XOXOXO**

Teyla was in shock, she was still angry but now she was angry at herself, her body was betraying her. She wasn't scared, she was never afraid of John, angry yes, afraid no. But as he kissed her body was burning with passion, she ached, and she found it almost impossible to hold onto her anger as his lips worshipped her.

She gave up the pretence when she came in to contact with his skin as he held up her body with his hip and leg alone. She gave embarrassingly deep moan as the sheet fell to the floor.

She used her now free legs and wrapped one high on his hip, the new position created an angle that made both of them groan. She tried to move his boxers down with her toe, but had to give up when John sucked hard on the skin over her heart.

John let her arms drop as she undulated with the small orgasm travelling through her body. She used her hands now to claw at his boxers, to get access to what she wanted.

She felt him shudder and bite her neck hard as she pumped him hard, as she used her nails to increase pressure he groaned.

Teyla was airborne again as John manoeuvred them down onto the sheet.

They maintained eye contact throughout, chestnut to silver-blue, both in awe of the power of their connection.

John couldn't help but grin like a Cheshire cat when minutes later Teyla chanted his name as she came.

Teyla knew she should be angry, or at least annoyed at his cocky grin, but truth be told her anger had burned out in their latest bout of passionate sex, and she was too relaxed in her post coital glow to pretend.

"Don't gloat" she managed to say as John slipped out of her. He moved to roll of her but she tightened her grip with one leg, not wanting to lose contact. Instead he rolled them both so she was wrapped around his side, and so that he was no longer crushing her.

As much as John wanted to enjoy his latest afterglow he knew that they needed to talk, really needed to talk.

"Teyla, we need to…"

"I know, you still haven't told me how you got here." Teyla was no longer angry at his deception, or at least understood that now was not the time.

"Erm-yeah about that, you know that this isn't strictly real, right?" John had no idea how to tell her everything that had happened whilst she was out of it.

She just raised an eyebrow waiting for him to continue. He was absent mindedly stroking up and down her spine.

"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked, trying a different approach.

"I had just stepped through the gate after the fight and after that I don't know what happened." She looked to him for answers.

"Well you collapsed, and then started seizing. Scared the crap out of Carson. Then Lorne told us what happened back on the planet…"

Teyla stiffened at the reference to what Kalen had done to her. She wished they never found out about what had happened.

"As far as we could guess whatever Kalen injected you with-"

"Arraketh, he injected me with Arraketh, I am familiar with the compound."

John silently took in the information, storing it for later. "Anyway you had a bad reaction to the Arraketh, and well combined with the injuries you sustained and…"

"…the necklace." She finished for him.

"Yeah, they all created this situation, we almost lost you once Teyla, your heart stopped beating."

"That still doesn't explain your presence?"

"Right, well Orlin came…"

"Orlin? Master Orlin is here?"

"Yeah he explained about the test and what it involves, and how you knew about it, which is a topic we _will _be returning to Teyla. He said that the compound you were injected with complicated matters and that you required a guide to get you through, so here I am."

As he spoke Teyla's face showed her comprehension, "You undertook the quest for me, C-John are you aware of the dangers that are…"

"I understand Teyla, you and me, we're partners, and I wanted to, no I needed to help. So why don't you explain Alex to me."

Teyla couldn't stop the blush that covered her body.

"We should get dressed; they have a habit of disturbing us at most in opportune times."

John just raised his lip in a slight smirk.

**OXOXOX**

Teyla began her explanation as they both dressed.

"When Kalen first drugged me, I began to hallucinate, it was just sensations, expressions at first, and then I began to hear voices. The next thing I knew I was back on Atlantis in our bed and our children-"

"Wait-wait, hold on there, children as in plural as in more than one?"

Teyla just smiled over her shoulder as she sat in front of the mirror and began brushing her hair, she was amused by the pride that coloured his exclamations.

"Yes John, _children _as in more than one."

She felt him approach as she drew her necklace out of a drawer, she then noticed two things, one it was not alone; right next to her necklace was a matching piece. This one silver, white gold and platinum combined with an azure sapphire that took her breath away.

Instinctively she knew that necklace belonged to John, it was John, his essence; she could feel it in her soul. She took it out with her own, which she also noted had changed, it was still rose gold and metallic, but the pendent had transformed from a ruby bloodstone into the most brilliant emerald she had ever seen, the colour was the same as the forests of Athos.

She felt John take the necklace out of her hands and place it around her neck, moving her hair to the side and kneeling down to kiss her neck simultaneously. This time clasp connected with ease.

Teyla turned and kissed him with reverence, this kiss was 100 love and her eyes sent the same message.

_"Heart, Body and Soul…I love you."_

It was only as John froze and his eyes filled with emotions she couldn't express that she realised she had said it aloud.

She turned back to the dressing table and picked up John's necklace, she turned back to John, whose eyes had not left her and was met with another heartfelt kiss this time it contained an element of awe and love that she couldn't help but tear at them.

He kissed her on the nose and wiped her tears, and said…

_"Heart, Body and Soul…I love you."_

In reply Teyla placed the necklace around his neck. This time the flash was less blinding, more encompassing as if it was expressing joy and contentment.

As the glow abated John was filled with understanding, his mind was filled with images of this life that he shared with Teyla and his children.

"Alexander and Katana" he said to Teyla in voice filled with awe and wonder.

"Yes, Alex is five and Katana is not yet 3. John I have memories of this life, I remember it all; giving birth, our wedding, everything."

"I know Teyla, me too. This is amazing." This time they both reached for each other, half way into their kiss their bedroom door banged open.

"Eeew! Mum, Dad do you ever stop!"

With the timing they were renowned for their children made themselves known.

**XOXOXO**

The scene changed again, one minute John was kissing Teyla as their children interrupted and the next they were outside having a picnic; it was a lush evergreen planet, with two small suns in the air, so he knew it wasn't on Atlantis.

He watched absently as Alex and Katana played with a massive beach ball, they were laughing as Katana tried to catch her big brother who was running with the ball. John turned back to Teyla who was setting food out on the blanket, he began kissing her neck again, he didn't care that this wasn't real, it felt real, he knew that he had only been with Teyla for hours and that they had spent most of that time making love but he couldn't stop.

BANG.

Both he and Teyla jumped as they heard Alex and Katana scream. The noise had been the ball bursting. It had been stabbed with a knife; John felt bile rise in his throat as his eyes followed the arm holding the knife to the face of his most hated enemy.

The bastard had Katana in one hand and the knife in the other, he also noted other men surrounding them, one of whom had a tight hold on Alex.

He and Teyla froze, scared to make a move as their children were captive.

"I finally have you beat Sheppard"

And with that he bought the knife across to Katana.

Teyla screamed and made to stop the knife, John yelled and threw himself at them all the while screaming.

"KOYLAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

**XOXOXO**

Here come the thank you's as usual. This time I actually had time to reply to the majority of the reviewers so my thanks again go to:

**ArmyGirl96, Sarge1, Ayrstar, JedLee07, Halycon Implusion, Wella, Jtjaforever and Cpt Ritter. (Thanks for reviewing you've all stuck with fic since the begining.)**

**Jodi: **Thanks again I adore reading your comments.

**LoveConquers: **Thanks for the great comments, glad you're enjoying the story.

**Naomi: **Thanks for the review, I finally put J/T together, no more picking somebody else. Hope you like, and no Teyla is still in danger...and now so is John.

**Kym: **Thanks for the review, hope chapter 8 was worth it.

**Blaney, Ocean** and **Dr Scott: **Welcome to the party thanks for the amazing comments, hope this chapter was up to spec, thanks again for taking the time to read and review.

Thanks to everyone who has kept with this story since January, almost 10 months, wow.

**Inara**


	9. Achilles Heel

_Sorry for the delay in posting, your all probably sick of the excuses, but I have had massive writer's block, inspiration was hard to come by and the lack of Teyla in season 3 has been disheartening to say the least, although episodes 17/18 are looking up. I can't believe we had to wait 17 episodes to get a Teyla storyline, even then they were hardly major! Any way rant over!_

_Just a final note:_

_**To all the reviewers,**_

**_I can't thank you all enough for your kind words, you have all stayed with this story for over a year now and support has been one of the best things in an otherwise crappy year. Anyway this story has gone over 100 reviews! So thanks again. Due to the large number of reviews received for the last chapter I won't individually reply to everyone here, but at the end of the chapter._**

**_THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO EVERYBODY WHO REVIEWED CHAPTER 8, ESPECIALLY ELLE, WHO WAS NOT ONLY THE 100TH REVIEWER BUT ALSO WINS THE AWARD FOR LONGEST REVIEW! (lol seriously check her out! she's amazing!) THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO DEDICATED TO JODI! FOR REVIEWING TWICE (don't think I didn't notice, thanks for making me get up off my lazy arse and write!)_**

**_And Finally, drum roll please..._**

**Duty or Love Chapter 9: Achilles Heel.**

"KOYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

John's swore that time had slowed as he and Teyla both rushed to get to Katana. But they weren't fast enough. John was paralysed, his heart racing and crushed at the same time, all he could see was red. The scarlet of rage, he burned with anger and despair, but it was the crimson red of Katana's blood that blurred his vision.

"_Too late" _

The thought cycled in his mind, over and over again with no respite.

…He was too late…

If there was ever a vision or memory John Sheppard wished he cold burn from his mind, from existence, it would be the slaughter of his baby girl. He was so close…yet she was too far, and he had failed her.

John knew rationally that Katana didn't exist, that he was being tested, but all his irrational human heart could register was that he had watched as his little girl had been murdered. He now understood what it truly meant to be impotent. Waiting for Teyla had been painless compared to the guilt and recrimination that coursed through his body.

_**XOXOXO**_

Teyla wretched, she couldn't help it, nothing could have prepared her for the horrific sight of her daughter's slaughter. Her mind was locked in the nightmare, all she could see was the knife cut slash against her baby girl's neck, over and over again.

A sound brought both John and Teyla out of their respective nightmares.

"Noooooooooo, Mama…Daaaaaaaaaad!!!"

"Alex!"

They both yelled simultaneously.

"No!!! Stop, please stop!!!"

"Kolya you mother-"

Both John and Teyla's screams were laughed at by Kolya and his men.

"Hmm Sheppard, I wonder what you would do to save your son? Pity you failed one child already…"

"_Kolya_" John's tone was dangerous and filled with unrestrained fury.

"Beg" Kolya snapped.

"What?" John was completely confused.

"I want you to get on your knees and beg…if you want to stop your son following in the way of the girl…get on your knees and beg."

John froze, his heart thumping, it went against everything in him, against his basic instincts, yet he would do anything to save his family.

John didn't need to look at Teyla; he just dropped to his knees.

"Kolya…let him go…_please_."

Kolya just raised his eyebrow obviously wanting more.

"I'm begging you; don't harm my son, please."

"Why should I? You've killed over 70 Genii soldiers alone."

"He's an innocent, he's my son!"

"And were those soldiers not sons and daughters, I see that never stopped you…"

"_Please!" _This time Teyla added her voice to the plea.

"No." Kolya said as his dagger flew through the air with deadly accuracy, landing squarely in Alex's chest.

"Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooo!"

John and Teyla's screams were drowned by an almighty flash of lightning and the heavy roar of thunder.

**_XOXOXO_**

_**

* * *

**_

Carson was about to drop, he had been working relentlessly through the night; both John and Teyla's vitals had dropped numerous times through the last 16 hours.

He didn't know what his friends were going through but from their medical status it most definitely was not pleasant.

He didn't know how much more strain their bodies could endure. He had tried to get the others to sleep but had to eventually relent and allow them to stay on the basis that they took shifts so at least some of them could attempt to get some rest.

It was currently Kate and Mark's turn to watch over their friends. They had just convinced Carson to take a break in his office when both John and Teyla's vitals jumped into hyper drive.

Mark Lorne jumped as the machines around them began bleeping and flashing.

"Get Carson, quickly!" Kate told Mark as she sprang up from her seat and tried to restrain John and Teyla who were in obvious distress.

Mark didn't even get to the door when the Scottish doctor came rushing through the door.

John and Teyla's heart rate's had simultaneously increased in distress.

"Oh Bloody Hell! Not Again! Get me the sedatives!" Carson's voice was mired with exhaustion and frustration.

Mark Lorne and Kate Heightmeyer shared a concerned look as Carson went in to his office, mumbling all the way.

"They need to finish the bloody quest soon, their bodies cannae take much more of this…"

**_XOXOXO_**

_**

* * *

**_

As the flashed died, John realised the scenery had changed on him yet again. He recognised the place it, it was from his psyche, his nightmares, from his past.

He was getting sick of it; Atlantis, their bed, the picnic, the kids. He remembered it all; making love with Teyla, arguing with her, being completely free and unrestrained, playing with their children, witnessing Kolya kill Katana and Alex.

It was all too much; he knew it wasn't real, that he was undergoing the test with Teyla. But the emotions were true, even if he and Teyla escaped this mind quest, they wouldn't leave unscathed. Both had severe emotional wounds from their time in the dream world.

It wouldn't be fixed in reality; they would have to revert back to their old ways. Alex and Katana were a dream; they had no place in reality, where the threat of the wraith hung over them.

He didn't know how much more he could take, the highs were amazing; Teyla and his kids. But the lows were agonising; watching helplessly as his children were murdered.

He tried hard not too think about it, not to think about Teyla or where she was, or why he had been thrown back to a memory from Earth.

He knew exactly where he was, which storm he was out in. Seattle 1990, the day his mother lost her battle with cancer. He had run from the hospital not stopping till he couldn't run anymore. He had run into a park, not noticing the heavy tears pouring down his face.

He remembered the rain, pounding on him as he lay in the grass, as if the heavens were in mourning too. He lay in that park for hours watching the storm play out in the sky. He remembered every detail, the temperature, the sounds, the smell; it was one of his most tangible.

Last time he was at this park, he mourned the loss of his mother, his best friend, and the only parent he knew, was connected to.

This time he didn't know what he was mourning, his imaginary children, his fake life with Teyla, the cold reality he actually lives in where he responsible for waking up the wraith and has city full of people depending on him?

Or was it his sanity? He was being pulled in so many directions he didn't know how he was still in one piece. He couldn't see a way out, he was there to help Teyla, and in the end he had become just as entangled as she had. He needed guidance, John needed a friend.

John's maudlin thoughts were broken by another crash of thunder and flash of lightning as his prayers were answered. As John heard a voice he had been missing for the last 17 years.

"_Hello John…"_

"_Hey Mom"_

_**XOXOXO**_

Teyla awoke and immediately realised she was restrained; she recognised the room and the chair she was in. It had haunted her the past 17 years.

She remembered the lesson she learnt in this very room when she was just 10, and the events that led up to it. That one lesson more than any other taught Teyla the price she would have to pay for the survival of her people.

_**XOXOXO**_

"Again Teyla!"

Teyla groaned, she had been practising since before dawn, and no it was well after supper, not that she had been permitted to have supper or lunch or a break at all.

"I can't! It's too hard, please can I stop."

"Stop? Teyla you need to be able to control your gift, channel your energy so you can serve your people, that is why you were selected to come to Elarios, and child you will learn, the fate of your people depends on it."

"But I'm tired and hungry and I want to stop!"

For the first time since she set foot on Elarios Teyla Emmagen spoke out against her instructors. It had resulted in a severe punishment for the 10 year old girl.

It was a lesson that she never forgot and shaped her into the leader she was born to be.

She remembered the event with a clarity she despised. The school at Elarios was beyond elite, but by no means was it easy. The school was charged with creating leaders for hundreds of planets in the galaxy, as a result the lessons were not pleasant.

Teyla had been allowed to eat a luxurious feast, and sent to bed. She remembered waking up tied to monstrous chair, with her head restrained in place, she then was forced to watch footage of culling after culling.

She didn't know where or how they got recording of cullings, all she saw was death after death, some familiar some not. She remembered every face, every sound to this day. She can still remember with achingly clarity the taste of bile rising up her throat, the burn of her eyes from hours of watching, from crying.

That day Teyla learned the importance of her lessons, of her gift, she was determined not to witness another culling. She would save her people, she would control her gift. That day little Teyla Emmagen of Athos died. Teyla Emmagen, daughter of Tegan and future leader of Athos was born.

"Teyla…"

Only this time it wasn't Master Orin giving her the lesson but her father.

**_XOXOXO_**

_**

* * *

**_

Orlin looked around as he entered the meeting room. His hosts were obviously tired and understandably anxious. The night had been long and restless for them all.

He hoped his news would help put them at ease.

"The final phase has begun" He told the room at large,

"That sounds ominous, how final are we talking?" McKay's query had them all alert.

"The final stage of the quest has begun, they will each undergo a test and if successful then they shall return to us victorious. Although they the quest will have marked them both. In six hours we will know."

"Hang on; I thought the whole point of Sheppard entering was so that he could help Teyla, now they're on their own?" Caldwell brought up a valid concern that Elizabeth seconded.

"Although their quest has been combined the purpose of the test still remains it is never the same and depends on the individual taking it." Orlin's answer had the opposite effect to the one he had intended.

"You never did tell us the actual purpose of this so called quest, just that the elder's had all passed one. So Orlin what is this test for and why was Teyla chosen to take it and how did she know about it in the first place?"

The entire group froze; nobody could remember hearing Ronan say so much in one go. But he raised the questions they all had since meeting Master Orlin.

Orlin sighed; he should have known that they would not leave well alone.

"Fine I will tell you what you wish to know, I warn you though the tale is long…"

"Well we apparently have six hours so…" Rodney's acerbic comment was silenced by a look from Elizabeth.

"Before I tell you this tale, I must have your solemn vow, you are never to repeat a word here spoken, not to another soul, to break this trust will result not only in your own death but also in the death of the person you told. Is that understood."

Orlin met every eye, one by one they all acquiesced none daring to oppose Orlin's eyes were once again tinged with gold and his voice had a depth and authority to it that none could disregard.

"Remember only the chosen few have been entrusted with this knowledge and to break this sacred trust will be punishable by death."

"The test is final and compulsory stage to attaining a seat on the council. Teyla was always marked to be on the council in truth she has been trained for it since she first entered the school. The council has but one role; to ensure that humanity survives. Our main responsibility is to ensure that the many civilisations survive, to record and preserve history.

We are a secret society that trades information and commerce. We train and educate young leaders and create networks and alliance between world. We have existed in some form for over 10,000 years. There has only ever been nine council members at any one time. There are currently only 5 alive including myself.

The test is a painful process, if they can endure it and come through successful then John Sheppard and Teyla Emmagen will join our ranks."

"You said they would be marked if they survive? What exactly does that mean?" Carson asked.

"Upon successfully completing the quest the challenger will inherit all the memories of the _anarka-_"

"I'm sorry- the what?" Rodney interrupted.

"_Anarka, _the necklace, it is not sentient, yet it is more than- _spirit, _is the closest term. Each of the nine _Anarka_ have a role/focus. Each _Anarka_ also retains the knowledge and memories of its wearer. One would inherit all the knowledge and memories upon completion of the quest. It is a confusing period for the bearer, but one adapts."

Orlin realised that his hosts were close to being overwhelmed, and so decided to finish the tale.

"This is all however dependent on John Sheppard and Teyla Emmagen's successfully completing the quest. They must first choose…"

_**XOXOXO**_

* * *

"You have to choose John…" 

Joanna Sheppard's voice was a soothing balm to John's fractured psyche.

"What? I don't understand Mom, choose what?"

John's confusion was evident as he attempted to understand his mother's vague statement. He had just finished telling her about the last 17 years of his life, and her response baffled him.

"You have to choose the life you want to live, with Teyla or not. Either the way there will be sacrifices. It's up to you who or what you sacrifice and how much. It sounds like your Teyla understands the situation. The question you need to ask yourself is can you be both; husband and leader…your father couldn't."

And there it was, one of his deepest fears brought to life, would John turn in to his father, have children only to ignore and abandon them.

_He had to decide between Teyla and his sworn duty, which one would be his wife and which would be his mistress. He had to make a choice._

_**XOXOXO**_

"Father?"

"Just watch Teyla, it seems you still haven't learnt this lesson."

Tegan Emmagen's voice was hard and unforgiving, Teyla's eyes prickled at the disappointment that coloured his words.

Hour after hour, minute after minute Teyla watched as her nightmares played out in front of her. Her people and planet culled. The galaxy overrun by wraith and human's enslaved.

She watched as Atlantis was destroyed and her friends punished. She couldn't close her eyes or stop hearing the screams, even as her own family died. The pictures changed endlessly but the message was consistent, they all died at her hand, her weakness led to their downfall.

Her father's final words stayed with her as Teyla wept at scenes played in front of her eyes unrelenting and unforgiving.

"_You need to choose Teyla, your duty or your love? Either way you will sacrifice, what will it be your heart or the world?"_

_**XOXOXO**_

* * *

_You know the score, thanks be to:_

_**Noro, ayrstar, Cpt Ritter, Wella, Naomi, sydney1965us, jedlee07, neptune60, Sarge1, cielito, jtjaforever, Dr Scott, Mina Jacobs and Charmed Ali.**_

_Special Thanks to **Elle** again for the thoughtful and detailed review, I agree with you on the heart, mind and body-reading back it was kinda sacchirine._

_And also to **Jodi** for being such a strong supporter and faithful reader!_

_Love,_

_Inara__.xxx_


	10. Atlas Had It Easy, The World Can Wait

_**REPOST: (SEE ADDED NOTES)**_

_Sorry for the delay, wouldn't let me upload the chapter, until now. The song that inspired this chapter was Over the Rhine's: The World Can Wait. _

_Hope you enjoy, its shorter than the other chapters but it didn't need anything else. the chapter is dedicated to Wella and Jodi for being two my most dedicated reviewers and whose latest reviews pretty much motivated and inspired this chapter, it was written in one sitting. Thanks guys!_

_Love,_

_Inara._

_Ps: I'VE ADDED A NOTE AT THE BOTTOM, I AM REPOSTING TO CLARIFY THIS IS **NOT** THE FINAL CHAPTER!!! REGARDLESS OF THE ENDING…I PROMISE_

* * *

**_Chapter Ten: Atlas had it easy…The World Can Wait..._**

'_You have to choose...'_

Teyla felt the warm brush of familiarity and awareness come over her as the Anarka connected with her mind, allowing her to _finally _see.

It all flashed before her eyes, her life from an outside perspective. Kerowyn Emmagen giving birth in the midst of solar eclipse; and the vicious culling that occurred almost immediately after.

Kerowyn fought fiercely to protect her newborn daughter; weakened from childbirth she barely survived the battle. Even though her mother defeated the wraith Kerowyn died from her wounds soon after.

Teyla observed, as her baby self wailed as she sensed her mother's passing. Luckily an Athosian scouting party heard her cries.

Teyla knew her birth was the story of legend, of prophecy, a child born when darkness defeats light, a child born to bring the universe to light, she had many titles through time, leader, teacher, student, daughter, sister, mother, queen, huntress, warrior, scholar, daughter of storms, blessed sister of the Sun, the universe and world had waited for her birth throughhout the centuries with baited breath.

Even though Teyla had heard the stories and myths she had never held much truth in them,

'Who could possibly defeat the wraith?'

'How could one person change the fate of millions?'

She had instead focussed on making sure her people survived and had long forgotten the fables from her youth until a man with wild black hair and eyes of steel sauntered into her life.

Teyla remembered the scene in the cave in Athos, she knew that the cocky one called Sheppard intrigued her; made her smile, to see one whose life was so untouched by the wraith that he was almost pure. But it wasn't until she stared in to his cerulean eyes, seeing a darkness and depth through the Athosian firelight that mirrored her own.

A kindred spirit; accustomed to hiding true feelings and existing through the façade of a mask, to appease others, fulfilling a duty they had never chosen, but one that had chosen them, as fate had decreed it so.

It was arguably the most pivotal moment in Teyla's life, a focal point in the cycles of life, the recognition of old souls. The names changed, the civilisations altered, new enemies replaced old, but the story stayed the same.

In every generation there are a few that fate selects to shoulder the burden of others, in order to keep the cosmic balance. Without suffering how will one understand happiness? It was never fair; balance never is…that was what Teyla finally had begun to understand.

She didn't matter, John didn't matter, Athos didn't matter, Atlantis didn't matter…not in the grand scheme of things. Her job was to make sure that the grand scheme continued, that the cycle continued, that life continued.

Normally the universe ensured its own survival, the natural law was filled with checks and balances but every now and then the universe encounters an anomaly or a series of events that lead to atrophy which causes the universe to spin out of control.

The evolution of the wraith was one such moment which set in to motion a path that led to pure chaos. They spread throughout the galaxy like a cancer, destroying the universe piece by piece.

The cancer multiplied and replicated; and at the very real threat of the wraith plague destroying all humanity leaving no potential for reincarnation, the universe began to create warriors, to fight back, her final line of defence.

And so in this generation the fated few had the weight of the universe on their shoulders. Teyla felt the Anarkha let go of her mind gently once it had shown her what she needed to see.

Teyla finally realised her destiny, her purpose, everything clicked into place…

…she had made her choice.

* * *

'_You have to choose John…'_

John never really had a choice he always knew what his choice would be, what it could _only_ be.

His entire life had led him to this point. He understood that now, his mother's death, his career in the air force, Afghanistan, the black marks, Antarctica, his DNA. They all engineered him to this point, not Atlantis or even the Pegasus galaxy. His place had always been at _her_ side, everything else changed, times and places but _his_ place did not.

He felt a familiar brush against his mind and then he remembered, lifetimes past, wars long past both victorious and defeated. He remembered lifetimes as Commander, King, General, Knight and Warrior. It was in his blood…his genes.

He realised now he couldn't escape fate, in every life he fought, bled and led warriors to their deaths. His path would never be a gentle one; he created security for others, but unable to enjoy it for himself. He suffered and toiled throughout many lifetimes so others didn't have to.

He was surprised at what the Anarka showed him, so many lifetimes, yet all so similar. In some he encountered Teyla; her soul was always belaboured, weighed down by duty. They never survived long together.

In every lifetime they shared, fate had a habit of ending their time together prematurely. He remembered times when they fought each other, meeting each other for the first time in the middle of a battlefield, even now he could remember each first meeting.

His choice had always been the same and always _would_ be the same.

His duty and love had always been the same, he only just realised it.

It was time to wake,

The world could wait…John had made his choice.

* * *

Teyla had made a choice…she had a duty to her love, to the world…she would make sure she would carry it out or die trying.

It was time to wake,

The world couldn't wait much longer.

* * *

For the first time in a long time Elizabeth didn't give a damn about decorum or maintaining her appearance in Atlantis. She had been eating her dinner in the mess with Ronon and Cadman, at Carson's insistence when dinner was interrupted by a frantic radio transmission from Major Lorne.

"Dr Weir, please come to the infirmary stat!"

They barely shared a glance as the three of them rose as one and ran from the mess hall, in fact they had already left the room by the time their chairs hit the ground in their rush.

Elizabeth pounded down the hallways behind Ronan trying frantically to keep up with the Satedan's long strides.

They could all still hear Carson's panic stricken voice in the background of Lorne's communication as he now paged McKay and Col Caldwell.

Sheer luck had all of them arriving at the same time smashing through the infirmary doors, to a scene none of them had even acknowledged as a possibility yet alone planned for.

Elizabeth's heart was still pumping from the run, but her voice still carried more anguish than exhaustion and mirrored what they were all thinking.

"Oh God, No!"

* * *

Even though Mark Lorne had seen more of the infirmary in the last 72 hours than he had in the last 3 months he still had to beg Dr Beckett and Dr Weir to be on the final watch, he needed to see this through.

Ever since Teyla had chosen him a week ago, he had been made part of this, he felt connected, responsible; he had to know it was over, with his own eyes.

His mind had pondered over many eventualities as he watched over his boss and his friend, crush? He still didn't know what Teyla was to him; he thought friend was probably the safest.

He knew that they could both die, he would be devastated of course but part of him knew as long as they were together they would be ok.

He knew better than anyone how well they worked together, seamless as if they had a lifetime's practice working with one another even though they hadn't even known each other for two years yet.

Mark knew that Sheppard and Teyla belonged together, hell all of Atlantis knew it, could see it. Their relationship however professional was still tangible in its strength and visible to all others.

Mark felt his heart sink, and bile rise in his throat as the machines around Sheppard and Teyla sang in cacophony.

In all his ruminations he had never thought that only one would wake up…

His mind heard Dr Weir's horrorstruck "Oh God, No!"

In counter point, the frantic heartbeats from one heart monitor contrasted starkly to the sickening flat-line of the other.

All Mark Lorne could wonder was:

'_How will one survive without the other?' _

_**To be continued…**_

**(THIS STORY HAS NOT ENDED)**

* * *

_Ok, before you all scream and curse me, I know that most of you didn't want the above ending, I'm sorry it really did kind of write itself. I would really appreciate it if you could let me know what you thought of chapter 10, especially the following:_

_1) Was it believeable/canon?_

_2) Did you believe it was justified?_

_3)Do you realistically agree with the outcome/decision the characters came to?_

_4)Were you expecting it? Was it predictable?_

_5)Did you like/dislike the chapter as a whole?_

_If anyone has the time or desire to answer any of the above, it would really help._

_Thanks to all the reviewers again, by now you all know who you are: Wella, Jodi, Camy, Elle, The Puppeteer, Jtjaforever, Naomi,CharmedAli, Noro, Samvalasam, Jedlee07 and Ayrstar. _

_Honey and Alex, thanks for taking the time to review, it always nice to hear from new readers as well._

_Love,_

_Inara.xxx_


	11. Price You Pay

_**This is the final chapter...sorry it took so long to update, but it took forever for me to be happy with the final paragraphs and to be honest I was kinda reluctant to let it go. Anyway love it or hate it... Duty or Love is finally COMPLETE!**_

**_Enjoy..._**

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_**Chapter Eleven: The Price You Pay…**_

Teyla drew in a sharp breath, her chest tube had just been removed, her throat felt raw and each breath of air felt like fire. As she calmed she realised something was missing, she realised she could hear her ragged breaths, actually all she could hear was her breathing, and nothing else.

The absence of familiar noises scared her, no machines bleeping, she couldn't hear Carson's reassuring brogue, Rodney wasn't whining, there was nothing.

Slowly Teyla opened her eyes, praying that the quest was finally over and that this wasn't another torturous test. The sight that met her eyes terrified her, everything was frozen in motion, nurses in action, her friends were stuck in the doorway, Carson was…

…Oh God! Carson standing was motionless over John with his defibrillator panels stuck over John's chest. Its presence scaring Teyla like nothing else, she knew what _that _machine was for, had seen it in action years ago.

How could her heart still be beating so frantically if John's had stopped?

The absurdity of the situation made her laugh, killing Kalen, the ordeal she had just woken up from, finally passing the test; only to wake up to the strangest scene, Atlantis frozen in time and John dead.

Soon the hysterical laughs turned into heart wrenching tears it wasn't long until Teyla finally broke down and her agonising sobs travelled through the frozen halls of Atlantis.

How much was she supposed to endure?

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Teyla"

Teyla looked up at hearing the voice, finally a sound other than her own; she had no idea how long she had spent in her frozen hell.

Somehow seeing her dead mother standing next to a statuesque Ronan only caused Teyla's hysterical laughter to return. What next?

"Teyla!"

Even though Teyla had never really met her mother before, she still recognised the reprimand in her voice.

"Mother" Teyla's voice was edged in sarcasm that would have made Rodney proud.

"It's not too late" Kerowyn tried to reassure her daughter.

Teyla only raised an eyebrow at the absurdity of that statement; her head was slightly tilted towards the scene of John's death, which was frozen to her right as a permanent nightmare.

Being stuck in limbo with the scene of John's death frozen in front of her was worse than hell; it was the final and proverbial straw that broke Teyla.

"Teyla darling, listen to me, we can still change this, we can stop this from happening you just need to have faith; you just need to believe in-"

"What! What do I need to believe in! I have nothing left, I did everything I was supposed to, I made I my choice, I sacrificed everything I am and you still took him from me. Enough, I am done."

"Teyla…"

"Leave me!"

"You know better than that Teyla, there is _always_ a price."

"I have already paid too much…"

"Enough! I did not intervene and risk everything to hear you give up; I had hoped that you _wanted_ to save him, your Andura, your _beloved_."

"How?" The hope in Teyla's voice was unmistakeable.

"I told you Teyla there is always a price, to change things of this magnitude…the price will be greater than even you can imagine." Kerowyn's words were filled with foreboding.

"I'll pay it! Anything, take my life in his place." Teyla begged.

"You know better than that Teyla, you are still needed, as is Sheppard. That is only reason this intervention is even being attempted."

"Why are you here? I mean why you mother, and how?" Teyla asked as she began to examine the situation she found herself in, the hysteria and despair had begun to recede.

Kerowyn just pulled her curly chestnut hair back to show a necklace, a familiar necklace. In fact it was the same necklace as Teyla now wore. The only exception was the colour; Teyla's was forest green, deep, dark and deadly whereas Kerowyn's was a lighter apple shade, almost peridot.

"We are linked, my daughter we always have been. The necklace allows me to venture across to meet you on this plane."

Teyla just nodded her head in acceptance; it was the least of her worries.

"How do we stop this from happening? I presume this was your doing." Teyla indicated to the frozen scene surrounding them.

"We can change it all if you are willing…I can restart Sheppard's heart and correct any damage but there is one condition…"

"Just do-" Teyla interrupted

"He will have no memory of what has transpired, he will wake and all he will know is that you beat Kalen and suffered critical injuries in the fight. Elarios, the quest, your children, all of it will be erased, only you will carry the memory of all that occurred."

Teyla's heart broke; either way she lost her John.

"That is the _price_ Teyla, will you pay it?"

Teyla's eyes burned with betrayal and unrestrained fury but she controlled it, buried it.

"Do it!"

"Are you sure? They will all forget and you alone will know what really happened."

"I am sure" Teyla met her mother's gaze with a steely determination

"Do it!"

With a flick of her wrist Kerowyn's wrist the scene around them unfroze.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Charging! Clear!"

Teyla just watched; she presumed nobody else could see her mother; instead her eyes were focussed on John, willing him to breath.

"Teyla are you ok?" Elizabeth rushed over, finally noticing that her friend had woken up.

Teyla didn't meet her gaze; instead she looked straight at her mother and said

"I will pay the price, just…please bring him back now."

Kerowyn nodded and moved to touch her hand to John's necklace, the resulting flash blinded them all.

"I will not leave you alone to carry this burden my daughter."

Kerowyn's heartfelt whisper was the last thing Teyla heard before she fainted.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

John's head was pounding, he felt exhausted mentally, psychologically and emotionally he was spent. What frustrated him was that his body felt like he had just survived a lethal mission, but he couldn't remember what he had done, or where he had been.

The last thing he remembered was Teyla returning from her fight against Kalen, after that it was all blank.

He thought back to earlier that day when had woken up for the first time, he met Teyla's gaze and drew a sharp breath. Her eyes were filled with so many emotions, fear, relief, despair, guilt and hope.

It was when he asked what the hell had happened that he witnessed first hand that tiny piece of hope in her eyes disappear and right in front of him he saw Teyla withdraw from him, completely, she still had not spoken a word.

The sheer depth of despair in her eyes that flickered for a second when he asked why they had matching necklaces confused him even more. She wouldn't even speak to tell him why he couldn't seem to remove the necklace; instead she remained frozen in her silence.

The infirmary was still filled with his team, Elizabeth and Kate were keeping an eye on Teyla but all John could worry about was Teyla's catatonic withdrawal.

He looked at Teyla who was still watching him with an unreadable expression. John finally had enough; he knew something was wrong, he could feel it and he needed to know.

"Teyla what happened to us? Please you know you can trust me, please tell me what happened to you?"

The answer he received was not only confusing but from the last person he expected.

"She paid the _price_."

Mark Lorne's voice was rough with anger and his eyes with were filled with unparalleled sympathy, with body was taunt with tension as he lent against the doorway.

Teyla's heard Mark Lorne answer John-no the Colonel's question he was the Colonel now, that was all he could be to her. Her John was dead, she killed him. Her dark thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt as she realised what Mark had actually said.

"_She paid the price"_

As soon as she met his eyes, she realised he knew. Somehow her mother had given Mark Lorne all of the knowledge that Teyla thought she alone would have to carry.

"_I will not leave you alone to carry this burden my daughter."_

Seeing the sympathy in his eyes was too much, it just reinforced how much she actually lost, she couldn't pretend any longer. It wasn't a dream, or a nightmare. Alex, Katana and her John, she had killed them all.

Teyla finally broke. Her sobs were reminiscent of the tears she shed when she woke to her frozen nightmare. Except this time it was much worse, this time Teyla mourned the life she had lived in her dreams, the life she knew she could never live.

The entire infirmary watched as Lorne rushed to hold the small Athosian as she broke down. The first noises they heard from her since John woke up.

John watched in shock as the strongest person he knew and the woman he loved cried in another man's arms. He observed as Mark calmed her down and for an unknown reason John felt his heart constrict as he heard Mark's soft words.

"Teyla I know it hurts, but you're not alone; you paid the price and he's alive. You saved him Teyla. Wasn't it worth it? Isn't _he_ worth it?"

Teyla stopped crying immediately and met Lorne's eyes,

She didn't need to say anything; Mark understood. _'he was worth anything'_

"Teyla, are you alright?"

John's voice was riddled with confusion.

"I am fine _Colonel_; everything is as it _should_ be."

THE END.

* * *

**Author's Note**: _I know everybody won't be happy about the conclusion, but I have to say it seemed the only logical and realistic way to end the story, whilst trying to keep it somewhat canon. To everybody who has reviewed, sent me personal notes, messages all I can say is Thank You. And to make all of the readers out there aware, the **only **reason Duty or Love got completed was because of the people who reviewed and emailed me, making sure that I hadn't forgotten the story! _

**_Don't forget, let me what you thought of the piece as whole; likes, dislikes...you know the drill..._**

_**Inara**_


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